R is for Regret

We all know what it is like to have regret in our lives, something we wished we said or something we wish we did or didn't do as the case may be. Regret can keep us locked in the past of never being enough.  

When I think back to when my mother looked after my dad until he died, she was on her own.  I used to come and visit but didn’t understand what it took her to get though those days.  I realise now how hard it was for her. Is it regret that motivates me now?....I sometimes wonder, ashamed of my 26 year old self who could have done more.

Regret can stop you in your tracks as you burden yourself with all the things that you could have done.  When illness strikes do you wish you spent more time at the office working or worrying about who didn't wash the dishes?  You can’t dwell in regret and have to accept you have the choice to either make changes or stay as you are.

As I reflect I allow it to motivate me, knowing that I am enough and I will do what I can while enjoying the processes in between.  It is important to make the most of relationships and even in illness create positive memories to be able to look back on without any regrets.

How has regret impacted on your life?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a month with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

Q is for Quietness

Sometimes in the midst of everything mum goes quiet, there is a stillness about her as if she is listening to her own thoughts and seeing her own insights.  She is captivated by the moment and moves her head as if she has gained a revelation.

When I ask her what she was thinking and she looks at me with an amused look on her face, an expression that seems to be saying "there is so much for you to understand about life".  Those moments sometimes makes me sad because I imagine she is confused, it is something I can’t share with her and she can’t explain her thoughts, but at other times I realise that these moments of stillness can also be her way of gaining understanding and reflecting - bringing clarity, maybe it is an aha moment!

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

P is for Purpose

We often wonder what our purpose is and want our lives to have meaning.  I never once imagined that I would be a carer, having to make the decisions for my mums life and dealing with the responsibility.

I have always been an organised person, loving lists and order.  I love organising the lives of others and my previous job as an Executive PA addressed the need for these skills in making sure my boss was where he needed to be at the right time or the conference went smoothly.

I saw the skills transferring to my own business when I was made redundant.  What I also had to do was transfer the skills I used in all my jobs and refit them making them fit for purpose as a carer and constantly remind myself how far I have come.  As we gather new experiences to deal with the tasks at hand we are equiped with additional skills for the next challenge that will come.

What challenges have you faced and found you were able to deal with when you really got down to it?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities 

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

O is for Opportunities

 Mum on holiday in Portugal

In life stuff happens and we have to look for the opportunities that can present themselves, and these are often disguised under all the rubble and the dust.  There were times during the early stages of mum’s dementia that I really didn’t know what to do and felt lost and alone, I just wanted it all to stop.   I didn’t think that I could get through it, and certainly couldn’t or didn’t feel that I could look forward to anything but increased stress, it is not to say that the stress of it has all disappeared, I have just had to learn to deal with things differently.

The thing that helps me through is to focus on the things that mum can do and celebrating this.  She loves to dance and sing, she became enthusiastic about going out so this calls for new adventures and she is willing to come along.  It is my opportunity to create new memories that we will all be able to look back on and smile, show the grand kids and great grand kids what she was like despite the illness, and for us to enjoy the time we do have with her.

Life’s opportunities don’t always come packaged the way we would like, but very often these are the most memorable ones.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is for Identity, J is for Judgement, K is for Knowledge, L is for Love, M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.