UBC - Day 24 - Support Network - Tips for Carers

Thank you for joining me for another day of Tips for Carers we welcome day 24.

Valerie and Laura help me celebrate my birthday

When caring for a loved one it is important to build a support network that you can call on, a group of people that can be there for you each with their different functions depending on how much time they can give.  No man is an island and not meant to go through this alone,  they say it takes a village to raise a child and I think that it takes a community to care for their elders.

Mum beats Sekani at table tennis

My good friend Valerie reminded me recently that friendship means that you can call on each other in the difficult times and as a friend if I needed her to sit with mum then she would gladly be there for me as should all friends and the feeling is mutual.  Both Valerie and Laura have been there for me and mum.

The problems arise when you are afraid to ask for help for someone to give you a break or a night to catch up with some sleep.  If you don't ask, you will never know, they might even say yes!  I think that generally most people want to help but don't know what to do, They look at you and think you have it all together, and you therefore just have to be specific about the help you need.  People cannot yet mind read and don't want to assume what type of help you need, which can sometimes be as simple as just sitting with your loved one for an hour to give you a break or stopping to have a coffee with you so that you can get some conversation.

Mum at a local church function

As you connect with a local carers group you will find a network of people that know what emotions and difficulties you go through in your caring role, and is a resource that you should make sure you use.  What are the kids doing? You can also get the children involved by sharing your memories with them and in turn get them to talk about their day or time at school with the one you are caring for, there may be something that you used to do as a child that the kids can relate to.  There are many activities that you can have ready for those who come round to visit and have some interaction with the one you are caring for, such as looking through photos, organising draws, and working together on a craft activity.  These types of activities are great for those times when people come to visit, and for some they need to feel that they are doing something practical when they visit.

Having that support network prevents feeling isolated for both you and the one you are caring for.

For now, think of 5 people friends, family and neighbors you can ask for assistance and who can be part of your support network.  If we all try and help each other we can bring back a sense of a community. 

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC Challege - Day 23 - Guess who's Coming to Dinner? - Tip for Carers

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

He came in and sidled his way into our home without making a sound, our weekly get-together's interrupted, the sound of children's laughter and mum telling them to get their feet off the sofa. 

In the beginning it was those little things that would make you stop and wonder, shuddering at the thought, we relaxed, everyone misplaces things don't they?   The unwanted visitor waited, he sat down and ever so quietly made himself comfortable as he gazed at mum and plotted his moves, feet now under the table, he had found a new home.

He proceeded to gouge his way through her thoughts, and her memories, each day feasting on the laughter of her yesterdays.  He drank up her conversations and put up his feet on her hopes and our dreams of tomorrow.  Her desires faded, the days turned into months and then to years, she fought back, tried to give him her marching orders, but always taking, he never put back things as he found them, wandering in her mind from room to room taking those abilities learnt from childhood.  

He snatched the names of her children and memories of our dad.  It had been 24 years since he was taken from us - the stories she used to tell....  'Mum, can you tell us the story of when you met, I so long to hear you share the excitement of meeting him, with a swing in your step and laughter in your voice......mum - do you still remember?

Finding it difficult to walk, she didn't want this, to be left feeling that she is a burden - how long will they care? Not knowing why you can't understand, listening as if behind a thickened glass door that won't break'.  Sometimes I'll admit and cry out 'I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE',  I am only human, you would too.

He sits in the corner, wiping his mouth with his sleeve thinking about his next course, the rest of her speech looks tasty, already had some for his starter, yet he is still not satisfied, it is not enough, when will it be enough?

Dementia is the unwanted guest in our house, the gatecrasher, giving us no choice in the matter.  We have all been affected and relate to it in different ways, trying to come together as a family to support the one we loved and make her life the best it can be, despite the situation.

For now, recognise your circumstances for what they are, make room for changes that will take place and celebrate the life you have before you.

Quote Wednesday - Lister Sinclair

Art pulls a community together, art makes you feel differently, that's what artists are doing all the time, shifting and changing the way you see life....Lister Sinclair

In thinking about the impact that we can make on our communities, think about one thing that will take you out of your comfort zone every week.

Each Quote Wednesday I share a quote with a photograph that I have taken. Quotes can be so inspiring and uplifting it is a good idea to meditate on the words and make a point of saying something encouraging about your life!  Do something great!  

Join me next week for the next inspiring quote and image. Blessings

UBC - Day 22 - Caring Faith - Tips for Carers

Smile

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge for today, we are over half way through and I hope that some of the tips that I have shared have been helpful to you.

Faith

My faith, my belief has been the one thing that is constant in my life, it is the thing that lifts me up when I am down, and ministers to me when I cannot see a way.  Because of my faith and my spiritual walk I find the strength to do what I do today.  

When I feel that there is no hope, my faith and belief in God reminds me that  God not only loves me for who I am but he gives me strength when I have had a difficult time with mum and she doesn't want to go to bed to sleep.  He reminds me that when I was ill mum would stay up with me and tend to my needs.  When mum won't eat and I get frustrated cause of the effort it takes God reminds me to let go of the emotional ties to food that I have and when mum is ready to eat she will.

My faith helped me to see mums dementia from her perspective, to constantly ask myself how she must be feeling and to give her space and time to express what she needs and to challenge myself.  When I work to her time there is less need to get stressed about how long it takes or whether or not she wants to do something.

I learnt through faith to be patient, to love unconditionally to be humble, dementia and its affects on lives has humbled me.  It has affected all of our lives in one way or another and I don't take my life for granted and i don't take her life for granted.  Mum can still live a full of grace, peace joy and love.

My faith reminds me that I have to make the most of everything that mum can do and how she is feeling. She still feels emotions though not always able to express how she  is feeling her life is precious in Gods eyes.  As I spend time in his word I am reminded that he gives me strength each and every day.  He will never leave or forsake me.

Art Journal Page

For now, think about your spiritual walk, we do not go through this alone and God will guide you through if you let him.  He will walk by your side in the good times and carry and comfort you in the hard times.  How has your faith comforted you?

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 21 - Once a Man, Twice and Child - Tips for Carers

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge, for today.

Once a Man and Twice a Child

I never understood the saying until my dad got ill.  He had become bed-bound and needed me to help him change his clothes.  He was embarrassed and was apologetic, it was awkward, and at the time I tried to reassure him that it was alright.  He was my dad, and he needed my help, no questions asked, but I could never imagine myself doing this on a regular basis. 

Kenneth Lloyd Trought - A shining star

I wasn't around much for mum when she looked after dad and for many years after his death I surrounded myself with guilt of what I could and should have done.  But at the end of the day the guilt will only spin you round in circles and immobilize you, which doesn't help anyone, but I know how hard it is to shake.  Many find themselves in the role of a carer quite by chance, there is no else to take up the role, and it is here more than ever that we have to give a thought to how we would want to be treated if ever we found ourselves in the role of the cared for.

So many memories...

I am looking after my mum whilst my heart yearns for a mothers wisdom and advice, yet it is often met with silence, that is the hardest thing to deal with sometimes.  I think back to the care and nurturing that she gave unconditionally to us as children, and her gentle nature.  Not everyone has the love of a nurturing parent that I know, and motherhood is not an easy road to walk down.  

I care for her now as if she is my child, anticipating her needs and emotions as best I can.  There is no room for guilt about what she cannot do or my perceived limitations as her daughter, though I am not saying that from time to time the thought does run through my mind.  I remind myself that if the tables were turned she would do the same for me.

For now, recognise that you can only do your best in the situation, don't beat yourself up but find ways to celebrate their life and what they can do today.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 20 - Being Practical - Tips for Carers

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge for today.  Rome wasn't built in a day and some times it can take a while to sort out and organise your own household, let alone another, so today's tip is about being practical.  

Practicalities

Being a carer brings with it a lot of emotional stuff, but to deal with the situation you are going to have to look at what you do and see it from a practical side, and get what needs to be done first then think about how it makes you feel. Sometimes you need to work with what you have as very often the thing that we think we need is right in front of our faces.  No one can be on call 24 hours a day, so if you can create some systems and schedules it will help you keep a track of things. 

Asking for Help

There is only so much you can do, so asking for help is something that you need to get used to.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is the thing that can enable you to handle your role in a more effective way, and keep you sane at the same time.  I found what helped me was having set things that could be done depending on the situation, grouping activities that could be done at one time, this also called me to be flexible as nothing was set in stone.  I try and think about what I need to do and what needs to be done, if you try and do too much you will burn yourself out.

  

Saving time

I try and make sure that I can have enough things in place and when I am feeling full of energy I can do more, but when I am tired, I can make adjustments as I go on.  If you have access to a computer you can try and automate things that you need to do like paying bills, prescriptions, even doing some of the heavy shopping online, and try and save some much needed time.   

It is important to keep the one that you are caring for as active and mobile as possible, this enables them to remain independent.  You might find that doing things yourself might be quicker, but if you let them get involved it not only impacts on their self esteem, and this will help you if they feel that they are contributing.  My aim with my mum is to keep her as mobile and active as possible and constantly encourage her to move about where she can, to exercise dispute having to use a wheel chair, keeping her stimulated and engaged helps me in the long run because it slows down the decline and in turn keeps her as independent as possible.

For now try and identify the regular things that you do that can be organised to take up less time, don't feel bad about asking for help, the answer could be 'yes' or you can organise some of the repetitive activities so it fits into a workable schedule.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 19 - Tell Your Own Story - Tips for Carers

Welcome to today's Ultimate Blog Challenge get ready to tell your story!

We all have a story to tell, it doesn't matter who you are or what experience you have, your story is important and it needs to be told.

Mum shares her memories as a child

As a mixed media artist, I find that I use my journals a lot to tell aspects of my story or to express how I may be feeling at a particular moment.  My images, paintings and journal entries don't always have to have words.  I keep a journal just for writing as well, and first thing in the morning I spend time just writing, 3 pages or more of words whenever I can, allowing them to flow out, without censoring or hindering.

When I create a character or painting I don't start out always knowing what I want to paint, and use their gaze, smile and expression to tell the stories of pain, joy, fear and love.

I guess I also use this blog as a way to tell my story and share my journey, hoping that if only one person finds comfort or encouragement then its worth it.  I also share my story as a means of reflection.  When I can't find the words  to express how I feel, telling it in a story form can make it easier, and it is all part of the overall process.

Sharing your story reminds you of who you are.  We can often be buried under all the labels, wife, mother carer, and you can forget just who you were because that person hasn't been visible for so very long, lost in a sea of just getting by.

For now, get yourself a note book or journal and start writing and or drawing about how you are feeling, lessons learnt or advice for someone who might just be just stepping into your shoes.  Share your story with someone else you could be the inspiration that they have been praying for. 

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

Word for the Week - Romans 8:38-39

Word for the Week

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, not any powers, neither height not depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord...Romans 8:38-39

It says it all! but you need to hold on.  The ride won't be an easy one, your going to face some tough times, and even doubt yourself, and look challenges in the face, but you will get through!

As you meditate on the scripture and enjoy the image ask and think about the many gifts you have been given, the many challenges you face, and the fruit that will come from the work of your hands. 

Words and images for the week, to bless, encourage and inspire you to be all that you have been called to be. 

What will you do with what you have been given today?

Stay blessed and be a blessing

UBC Day 18 - Time for a book - Tips for Carer

Welcome to today's Ultimate Blog Challenge, with every day an opportunity as a carer to do something different and enhance your life and those you care for.

Mum - out and about with the family

I have always loved to read, but since becoming a carer to my mother who has dementia, those things I really enjoy doing seemed to slip to the wayside.  I was running back and forwards from my mums home to my own, sometimes with time only to catch my breath, see my son, grab a quick snack and head out again. The thought of sitting down with a book and getting lost in the plot seemed far away as there was always something else to be done, and when I tried to do some reading before bed I was always too tired.

Kindle for Christmas!

One Christmas my husband got me a Kindle Fire, and it has been one of the most used gifts ever.  I wrote a review of my kindle on the blog, and I love it, I have always got it on me.  One of the great things I have been making use of is the text reading function which pretty much turns every book you buy into an audio book.  When I am in the car I select a book that I want to read and make my way to my mums.  This really kept me going for the 40 minutes drive, I was transported to wonderful destinations, and I also use it to read a lot of training books as well.  The kindle also came in handy when you were doing those tasks that didn't require you to think, but needed you physically present.  I either turn the book function on or music and it helps you to feel a bit more of a person, because you are giving back a piece of yourself.

We all need some time to ourselves!

The essence of today's post is to encourage you to find some way to best use the time you have and those in between times say if you have to wait for appointments.  There was one year where I was either going to a hospital or doctors appointment with my mum.  I found that when we were collected for an appointment by transport they would come at least and hour and a half early and then you would be left waiting around.  Armed with my kindle, I could occupy myself and my mum at the same time.  Another great feature of the kindle is being able to connect to WiFi and social media, it is like a mini tablet.

For now, try and identify some of the things that you enjoy doing that you can create a space for - remember 15 minutes each day is easier to find in your schedule than a couple of hours.  Make the most to keep yourself and your mind nourished as you go about your caring role.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 17 - Taking a Break - Tips for Carers and Gratitude's and Celebrations Journal - Week 61

Blessings to you as you connect for another day of 'Tips for Carers'.  I am glad that I am participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge, as it has reminded me of all the useful information that I have gained and I am very happy to share. As today is Friday I will be sharing some of the images from my Gratitude's and Celebration Journal, and the word for today is 'Recognition', and we are on week 61.

Recognition

On Day 11 I spoke about getting some fresh air, and that meant going outside and if possible walking round the block, walking say 10 minutes in one direction then coming back, making the most of those snippets of time you may have within your day.

For some this is all they can managed because of their circumstances, so what I am going to suggest will take a bit more thought and organisation.  Some boroughs offer funding so that as a carer you can take a break from your caring role and take part in local activities or use it to have a mini break. When you think of what you do in your caring role, getting a break every now and then is the least, you can ask for, to restore your batteries and enable you to keep going.

Mixed Media Art - Amanda Trought

The first time I applied for the funding I used the money to book a series of monthly massages.  So for one hour once a month I was able to nurture myself and feel whole and able to continue in the role. At some point in your journey you have to recognise all that you have been giving and contributing, putting needs aside and taking our bodies and lives for granted until they are unable to do what we want them to do.  If you have a car you regularly oil and service it, generally you look after it to keep it in good running order, so why not your body?

If you take the time to organise an activity just for you, you will definitely feel the results and it means that you have an outlet outside of the caring role.  You could also see if among family and friends you can organise for someone to give you a break and take the time to go to a cafe or walk in the park, perhaps do something creative and go further a field to a gallery or art shop.  These are my favorite mini breaks, being able to be inspired by the creativity of others or potter around the arts and crafts aisles.

I am grateful for all the small things that make such a difference to our lives, and the impact that they can have.  I am also grateful for the support of family and friends which makes all the difference for which I celebrate the blessings on their lives.

For now, check with your local carers center about any funding available and apply.  While you are still waiting, schedule an activity that is just for you and make a date to keep it!

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC Day 16 - Tips for Carers - Home environment

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge, Day 16.  My focus for the past couple of weeks has been sharing my tips for those who are carers or are soon to be, and also for those who know carers that may benefit from some suggestions to help them as they work through their role.

Today I want to talk about environment, and the things that you can do in the space that you or the one the you care for lives in if they are still able to live in their own home. 

Over the years I have found it so important to adjust where necessary with regards to my mums home and her general environment.  When she first started to show signs of dementia we wanted to make being independent in her own home as easy as possible for her.  We used to prepare meals and put them into containers for her so that she didn't have to worry about using the cooker to cook a full meal but could heat up her food as needed.  We found that labeling cupboards and key things around the house helped her to navigate her way around.  We did at one point arrange for Meals on Wheels to deliver food, but it didn't work for her, and her perception of their service was that they were for people who couldn't help themselves and she didn't see herself in that position.  Simple things like putting the tea, sugar and biscuits on a tray near the kettle meant that she could quite easily find what she was looking for in one place

Change from one space to another can make a big difference

I found that clearing the clutter around the home and brightening the rooms helped, there was less things to have to tidy up because in her search to locate something she would turn the place inside out, and it allowed her to move around easier, but also enabled her to locate what she wanted in the home.  Mum's vision was being effected I found that having highly patterned furniture and carpets effected her perception of her surroundings, so where possible we had to change these.

Create a clear space

My recent adaptation has been to move mum from her previous home, the one we grew up in as kids, into one that facilitates the use of a wheelchair and is adapted for her needs, such as a wet room. It wasn't an easy decision as I had the emotional ties to our childhood home, but when she began to find walking difficult and we had to start using a wheel chair It got increasingly stressful carrying the chair up and down the stairs, and took a toll on her as well.  I think that she is happier in the new flat.  

Create a space that suits your needs

As the years have passed and mum has declined and slowed down, I have tried to ensure that I am one step ahead and think about what she would need as time goes on before she needs it, but I also encourage her to make an effort and do what she can as much as possible to keep some independence, however small.

You may be limited in the physical changes that you can make to your home but there is always something you can do which will not only help the one that you are caring for but also help you and could make a big impact on your role as the care giver.

For now, think about your space and the needs of the one that you are caring for and how this is affecting you.  What simple changes can be made to the environment that will impact on their well-being,  It might be as simple as putting stuff away and painting the room that can create a brighter environment, start thinking about what you can do and take a step to make the change.

If you want more Tips for Carers click HERE. You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 15 - Eating Healthy - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 15 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge and my focus on Tips for Carers.  These tips have been things that I have found helps me, and I hope you have found some of the tips useful, and would love to hear about some of the things you have been doing.

When you spend a large proportion of your time caring for someone there are often things that slip, and you tell yourself you will sort later.  Eating healthily is one of those things.  It is so important, the very fuel that you need to carry out your tasks needs to be of a good quality.  You have to make sure that you have a balanced diet, nutrient rich so that you can get all that you possibly can.  When the body is under stress the levels of vitamins and minerals within your body reduces dramatically, and you therefore need a constant top up as you go along.

Importance of eating healthily for Carers

You also need to ensure that the one you are caring for also has a balanced diet, as this could have an impact on their overall health. When you are not eating good quality food, it affects the energy level, your mental clarity, and your general health and there are lots of books which can tell you the side effects of not getting certain nutrients into the body.

Smoothie Love - Day 2 of 30 delicious drinks

We recently brought a nutri-bullet and we have been blending a combinations of greens, fruit and nuts and seeds, it can be a complete meal in itself once you have finished, but this means that you are getting a whole range of vitamins and minerals that you might not have been able to get if you tried to eat them all at once.  I have found that the smoothie is easy to digest and it means that it is a healthy option that mum can have alongside her food that is good for her.  We have definitely seen the benefits in mums general health from drinking a daily smoothie.

As you improve your eating habits and introduce more fruit and vegetables, you will notice the difference in your outlook, energy levels and fitness. Speak to your doctor and check out the many programs, books, and online help that you can get to think about changing your diet.

A good balance of fruit, nuts, and seeds to your diet

For now think about investing in a smoothie maker or juicer. Take a look at what you are consuming on a daily basis, and try and increase your fruit and vegetable content and most importantly - drink more water!  Check out my Smoothie recipes for some great tasting drinks full of natural goodness.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.