Stepping Out Challenge - Day 12 - Tips for Carers 2

Welcome to today's post, I am taking part in a 31 day blog challenge where I post everyday in October.  I love creating challenges for myself and joining ones by others.  My challenge for the rest of the month is to reflect on some of the series I created for myself and inspiration that I have taken away.

Listen to the Podcast

Today I am going to conclude with the Tips for Carers  

Working with the Social Workers

Quite out of the blue after attending a few of the carers meetings I was asked to do a workshop for social workers at a training institute.  Oddly enough these social workers were doing a course where they had increased powers and could make the decision to have individuals sectioned.  It was interesting to hear things from their perspective about life, and the struggles they had in their day to day, feeling overwhelmed, stressed and the issues they had in their own lives. 

Within all this I shared with them the Carers Perspective especially when they have to make decisions about the Carer and those being cared for to think about how much their own baggage they bring to the table.  We looked at the perceptions that they arrive at the carers home with, the ones that the carer has and how the one being cared for might be feeling when the social worker arrives.   

It was an amazing opportunity which led to regular training sessions looking at the carers’ perspective as well as what the social worker brings into the situation.  The social workers who attended were attentive and shared their own experience and it made for an enriched session and it all came about from taking a step to share my own experience.

The more I spent time working on presentations about being a carer,  I realized that there were some things that I was doing that I needed to share, and along came another A-Z challenge which prompted me to share some of the things along the way that I had found helped me get on with what I needed to do.

Self-care is the overriding thread that you need to address and put strategies in place so that you make sure that you get some respite on a regular basis.  The first thing that often suffers for carers is caring for ourselves.  We are consumed with caring for another person and all the other things with such as family, job or other dependents and possibly a million other activities for someone else.

In writing the tips I wanted to offer practical things that I found useful when helping mum - from looking at your support network, getting out of the house and getting fresh air, finding others to talk to and ways to share your story.  The main thing that it was to try and be flexible with the time that you have and the resources you have available to you and look at the kind of support that you have around you. 
 “It takes a community to care for the elderly with Dementia”.

Dementia doesn’t discriminate and everyone is effected not just the individual and their carer.  I’ve spoken to some people who put their parents in a home and they have chosen not to visit them saying that they don’t ‘recognize me anyway’. That person doesn’t realize that there are emotional repercussions that come from choosing to abandon a loved one in that way when they cannot care for themselves.  Communication is not just about knowing your name, it is also touch, the sound and tone of your voice and your personality that the person can relate to.

Whilst they are in a home it is useful to set up a schedule of care - who will visit your loved and continue to interact with them when you are not able to.  Having the continued interaction helps in their health and well-being.  We all know the difference we can feel when we are sitting on our own or sitting with another person.

However you feel you are coping it won’t hurt to get some more help, even if it is just to give you a break for an hour or two.  When you bury your head in the sand about the situation you miss important things that could have been put in place ahead of time, but become crisis if left.  Putting plans into place makes the journey a bit easier.  The tips for carers was a way for me to start to share with others not only my own experience but a way to help as well.

The tips are not an exhaustive list and depending on the person, needs tweaking but it’s a place to start.  When mum started to go to the day care center I later got involved and started offering Art sessions.  I got an even deeper understanding of the different ways in which dementia affects individuals and I also grew as an Artist, daughter, and mother.  Over a 4 year period I had an amazing time working with the men and women who attended the day care center putting on exhibitions for them and getting them out of their comfort zone as artist.  This informs the knowledge that I have gained over the years.

What are your tips for care what words works for you and your loved one?  In what ways can you get involved with their care?

You can find additional tips HERE

Tomorrow I will share the challenge that I did called '30 Days to a Healthier Lifestyle'.  I hope during this month you find some time to challenge, be creative and stretch yourself.

Why not join me each day for the rest of October as we dive into to some exciting challenges and look at ways in which they can impact on your own life. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, it is never too late to start! The main thing is to take one step at a time and do something that you find interesting.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Ps:  If you would like to check out supplies/books at a discounted price, check out one of the links below:

Adorn it - bit.ly/AdorAT18 

Dollar Tree - bit.ly/DolAT18 

Blick - bit.ly/Blick18 

Book Outlet - bit.ly/BOOKAT18 

Stampington - bit.ly/STAAT18 

C& T Publishing - bit.ly/CNTPAT18 

Dover - bit.ly/DOVPAT18 

Craftsy Kits - bit.ly/CrafAT18 

Amazon Store - 

www.amazon.com/shop/realityarts

Stepping Out Challenge - Day 11 - Tips for Carers

Welcome to today's post where I will be sharing my challenge called 'Tips for Carers', I am taking part in a 31 day blog challenge where I post everyday in October. I love creating challenges for myself and joining ones by others. My challenge for the rest of the month is to reflect on some of the series I created for myself and inspiration that I have taken away.

Listen to the Podcast

I started the Tips for Carers series as part of another challenge and I wanted to document some of the things that I had found helpful for me as a carer. They were practical things that when you are in the midst of your situation can be something in you tool kit that you could use.

I was determined to do everything myself when I first started on my journey as a carer. I was going to be the one to get mum better, I didn't understand that has the disease progressed mum's ability to do things for herself would decrease. I also did not want to ask for help or assistance because I felt that if I showed any weakness I would be judged by others and then mum would be taken away from us. 

Adapt - Day 1

It is interesting that as a grown woman I felt that my power base was conditional with others having the power to step in and make decisions that could affect me and my mother - at the end of the day they have and they could and say that they are making these decisions 'in her best interest'. We have all heard of cases where decisions were made based on a 30 minute discussion that might not have happened cause the person didn't feel like talking and 5 people looking at notes then coming to a decision that the person should be institutionalized. 

I know mum was an adult but she was becoming increasingly unable to look after herself and I was once told by a member of staff that one of the ways that I would receive help would be to say that I was unable to cope and wouldn't care for mum anymore in order to gain more points on the form that she had to fill in. For me the line was too fine and I couldn't make that statement. I asked her why there couldn't just be the offer of help and she said on the face of it I seem to be coping and the one who shouts loudest gets the help the quickest - so my acting skills could have got me an award but not the additional help we needed at the time. 

So I soldiered through and tried to be there for everyone and put myself to the side I became emotionally drained and a lot to deal with. 

As time went on we had to call the social workers in, we couldn’t do it on our own, we needed help and we needed to ask, it was my sister who prompted it and in they came and my fears were subdued. I did meet some social workers that left a lot to be desired and one who actually tried to over turn all the help that other social workers had put in place for mum, that was a battle and a half that I was prepared for when the time came. I got involved with a range of carers groups and found that sharing my story actually helped with the feelings of isolation. I didn't always want to do it, but I realized that it helped my own health when I gave myself a break

One of the key things you have to understand, that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure, and the more you try and carry the weight of the world on your own the more you put the life of the person that you are caring for in jeopardy. What will happen to them if you are taken ill or another crisis comes up, you leave yourself without a network that you can call on and you leave them in a vulnerable position.

Another useful key would be to learn how to step back and see your situation and circumstance. When I looked after mum I started out thinking that I had to occupy her every waking moment and really stressed myself out. I realized that there maybe times that she would just like to sit and relax listening to music, or just have a chat with her, read a book to her and it was enough, I didn't have to be all singing and dancing and could take a breather every now and then.

Organise - Day 2

It is important to think about where you fit in all of this and what are your needs and the tips addressed some of these points. The more organised you are the more you flexibility you will have, as I said earlier if you have someone you can call on that can step in for an hour or two. We signed mum up for a day care center, and it was one of the best things that happened. Initially it was 2 days a week 9am to 4pm, then we were lucky to have it extended to 5 days a week, and it made a big difference to not only her health and well-being, for her she felt that she was going into work and that she was part of the staff. She often complained that she didn't think they were paying her what she deserved but I assured her that her work was valued by all who worked there.

Savor - Day 3

If you can put in place a support network you have to also learn to savor the time that you have when you can get a break and do something for yourself. The tips also included making long term plans and looking at ways to get the maximum out of your day to day and you can check out the list HERE.

As an artist one thing I relied heavily on was my creativity. I got my art journal and every day I did something. I didn’t have the capacity to sit down for hours creating but I gave myself a minimum of 20 mins, or when mum was having a rest with her feet up after coming in from the Day center I would get out my art journal and give her some supplies to create if she wanted to or just relax. 

Remember their Story - Day 4

During the tough times, where it felt that mum wouldn’t do what I needed her to do such as get ready for a doctors appointment, I would step away from the situation and take 5 minutes out. The exercise gets you to go to an imaginary place where you are surrounded by peace and it only takes 5 minutes but you feel refreshed. I would then go back to the situation and mum as if it were my first time asking her – mum would then get ready as I had asked her to do without any problem - it took stepping away from the situation to be able to work through it.

If you are a carer what would be your top 5 tips, I always say that you never really understand what it takes until you are in it yourself. How have you utilized the help that you may have in your community, do you have any social help at all. When you think back over your situation what would you do differently?

Tomorrow I will share the second part from my Tips for Carers. I hope during this month you find some time to challenge, be creative and stretch yourself.

Why not join me each day for the rest of October as we dive into to some exciting challenges and look at ways in which they can impact on your own life. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, it is never too late to start! The main thing is to take one step at a time and do something that you find interesting.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Ps:  If you would like to check out some of the resources below please do, you will find a selection of discounted books, art supplies, magazines that might fit in with where you are at the moment

Adorn it - http://bit.ly/AdorAT18

Dollar Tree - http://bit.ly/DolAT18

Blick - http://bit.ly/Blick18

Book Outlet - http://bit.ly/BOOKAT18

Stampington - http://bit.ly/STAAT18

C& T Publishing -  http://bit.ly/CNTPAT18

Dover - http://bit.ly/DOVPAT18

Craftsy Kits - http://bit.ly/CrafAT18

Amazon Store -  https://www.amazon.com/shop/realityarts

Stepping Out Challenge - Day 10 - Carers Story Continued

Welcome to today's post, I am taking part in a 31 day blog challenge where I post everyday in October.  I love creating challenges for myself and joining ones by others.  My challenge for the rest of the month is to reflect on some of the series I created for myself and inspiration that I have taken away.

Listen to the Podcast

Today I am going to be continuing with the A - Z of Dementia - a Carers Story

Thank you so much for joining me again.  As I started to share my story I began to think about all the negative emotions I felt around the dementia.  I wanted to relate to mum as her child her daughter and not her carer.

I felt lost - I didn't know what I should be doing every step of the way, some days I made it up, some I played it by ear or just shut down and moved on automatic.  I felt angry - why us, we had lost our father from an unknown illness, the doctor we had should have been disbarred for his handling of Dad's illness and every time I saw him (cause mum didn't want to change - a loyalty to authority that her generation had) I wanted to give him a slap for his condescending attitude.

As my father slipped away, my brother turned to me and said that we had to be strong for mum.  The tears that were beginning to stream down my face did an about turn, part of me couldn't compute, I put away the voice that said 'who is going to be strong for me and mentally began to construct a strategy of care that when mum was in the throws of Dementia came into action.  I thus went into stealth mode and became organised and planned and took responsibility and created schedules for us as a family.

I didn't think about myself, I was on lock down I shut out my emotions to stop the floodgates from opening as if they did I couldn't be effective.  I compartmentalized my emotions and tapped into them only when caught off guard - such as someone asking how I was.

Over time I built a fortress around my emotions and you needed special clearance to cross the moat which guarded how I felt.  I became practical and rather than thinking about how I felt, I started to consider how mum might have felt.  If I felt scared, how must mum feel?

I felt frustration and fear - we have all felt these, but what if your frustrations are dismissed, and you were told to sit down and the more you tried to explain yourself the more frustrated you got cause they weren't listening to you, they didn't and wouldn't understand, they ignore you, shout at you.  In my work with people living with dementia, I have seen this happen first hand.

How would you feel if it were you?  I began to look at all the emotions I felt around the dementia and the feeling of powerlessness and tried to understand how my mum and others might feel.  Mum was able to cloak the memory loss for some time especially to the health professionals which often made us look like we were the ones who had memory issues.  She worked hard to enjoy the life she was living and she became the life and soul of not only the party but where ever she went she brought laughter and an appreciation for life and she brought me along for the ride - she called herself the dancing queen.  I laughed, cried, came out of my own comfort zone, accepted she was willing to live her life and found a way to make sense of mine.

Yes, it is good to share, to understand to realize we are but here for a moment.  I don't mourn for the loss of who mum once was, she is still living and breathing and wanting to make the most of her life.  We have to think about what it is we call quality of life for ourselves and spend time enjoying it with our loved ones, we need to have patience.

In our fast paced lives, we have to think about what really matters to us, we are all getting older and have to think about the kind of life we want to lead, how we treat each other and how we want to be treated.

You an check out some more of the posts I wrote HERE and if you have any questions please do not hesitate to leave them.  I am so glad you were able to join me today.

If you are interested in the Arts and Health activities you can join my  Arts in Health Network where I curate Arts and Health activities happening around the world, you can also share what you are doing as well.

Tomorrow I will be going further into the Tips for Carers challenge with some practical things that you can do.  I hope during this month you find some time to get out of your comfort zone and challenge, be creative and stretch yourself.

Why not join me each day for the rest of October as we dive into to some exciting challenges and look at ways in which they can impact on your own life. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, it is never too late to start! The main thing is to take one step at a time and do something that you find interesting.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Ps: some resources that you can check out

Arts and Dementia Resources on Amazon

Adorn it - http://bit.ly/AdorAT18

Dollar Tree - http://bit.ly/DolAT18

Blick - http://bit.ly/Blick18

Book Outlet - http://bit.ly/BOOKAT18

Stampington - http://bit.ly/STAAT18

C& T Publishing -  http://bit.ly/CNTPAT18

Dover - http://bit.ly/DOVPAT18

Craftsy Kits - http://bit.ly/CrafAT18

Amazon Store -  https://www.amazon.com/shop/realityarts

Stepping Out Challenge - Day 8 - Art Journal Teaching

Welcome to today's post, I am taking part in a 31 day blog challenge where I post everyday in October.  I love creating challenges for myself and joining ones by others.  My challenge for the rest of the month is to reflect on some of the series I created for myself and inspiration that I have taken away.

Listen to the Podcast

Today I am going to be finishing off talking about Art Journals, there is so much more to say, check out some of the Art Journals that were created as part of the series.

 31 Art Journals  

So yesterday I shared with you about how I got started art journalling, and examples of the videos on the series.  It is so fulfilling creating an art journal from scratch, and you can make it to your own specifications.  I have art journals of every size and one of my favorite sizes are B6, it is a bit wider than A5, can fit in the average size bag and I find them handy to carry around.  I also created some really small ones that I call Capturing Moments Journals, these are a no sew mini journal that again is easy to put in the bag and capture snippets of inspiration, drawings or anything that you want to take note of.

One of the other things that I was able to do while art journaling is to teach.  The more I put in, the more I was able to give and I love sharing techniques and my 'Ah ha' moments.

Some people are in a place where they are just finding their style and need encouragement to keep going and over time they find the kind of art they like to produce.  I also find that some want to take away techniques that they can apply to what they already know, some will run with it or leave it, but it is all part of growing and finding your style as an artist.

I started teaching online in 2015 - one of my first teaching courses was My Color is Beautiful Art it was great to have been selected alongside so many inspiring artists, and though nervous I stepped up to the challenge and said yes, and haven't looked back since.  

And I kept going over the years, learning techniques, finding inspiration from other artists, there is still so much to learn, techniques and materials to try and each year teaching and getting involved with developing courses and creating content for Art Journal Lessons.

BadAss Art Journal hosted by Tiare Smith, is one of my most recent classes that I have taught on and have been involved over the past 3 years.  The 2018, the sessions are still available as a self directed course until the end of the year.

Further Information Click HERE

BadAss 2017

BadAss 2016

One Badass Art Journal

I was a guest Artist for Embrace Your Art, there were weekly sessions and it was great fun!

Every Friday! - Its FREE

Hacking the Color Wheel 

hosted by Kiala Givehand, my class looked at getting inspiration from the colors around us.

The Journey Within 2016 

I taught 4 sessions in this Year long class.

The Journey Within 2016 - A Year Long Adventure

My own Art Journalling Products

Art Journal Series 1 Bundle Series is something that I recently came up with.  I am often asked how to come up with backgrounds and so I put a selection together, it comes with:

• 5 background videos looking at how to create your own, build your stash, and to create images from your backgrounds, 
• 4 Art Journals for you to make made from recycled materials
• 31 Art Journal prompts for you to spend time in your Art Journal
• 5 Art Journal Backgrounds for you to download and keep, and 5 Art Journal Videos for you to keep

Art Journal Bundle - Series 1

Buy Now for $10

25 Ways to fit Art and Creativity into Your Life 

Free gift when you sign up to my Mailing list

I have had some amazing experiences working with art journals and teaching, when I look back to where I started I realize just how far you have come.  I never would have thought that I would be teaching or creating my own art journal tools and it has taken discipline and perseverance and a joy for experimenting and playing.

Tomorrow I will be changing the topic to something that is close to my heart and is the Dementia Carers Stories that I did on the blog.  I hope during this month you find some time to challenge, be creative and stretch yourself.  

Why not join me each day for the rest of October as we dive into to some exciting challenges and look at ways in which they can impact on your own life. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, it is never too late to start!  There are many things that I learnt on my journey as a carer and I hope that you find some useful information for someone you know who is looking after a loved one. The main thing in any challenge is to take one step at a time and do something that you find interesting and inspiring.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Ps:  If you are on a budget and would like to check out some gardening supplies/books at a discounted price, check out one of the links below:

Art Journal Bundle

Amazon suggested gardening books

Adorn it 

Dollar Tree 

Book Outlet 

C&T Publishing 

Craftsy Kits

Food and Nurturing - The Emotional Impact

Listen to the Podcast

Food and nurturing - The Emotional impact

I have always had an emotional attachment to food, which started in childhood and continued into adulthood.

As a child I didn’t think about the costs or how long and how hard our parents had to work we just saw things appear in the cupboard we didn’t see the hours/stresses or worry that our parents went through in order to provide us with the standard of living they never had.

The memories of the associations to food came upper most in my mind as mum decided she wasn't going to eat while I was feeding her at the home. This was something that began to be a regular occurrence when I was looking after her full time.  I associated this with failure and worried that she would be hungry – but the main thing was how inadequate I felt that I couldn’t get her to eat.

We grew up being told that we had to eat all the food on our plate otherwise we:

• Wouldn’t be able to leave the table

• Have dessert 

Both of which filled you with dread because the pudding was usually something we looked forward to after the dinner.  My mother’s homemade apple pies, cakes, crumbles were so tasty that made your toes curled when you ate them. You felt you had no choice but to eat all that we were given and it never occurred to me or anyone else that we all had the same sized plates as my dad!  As my brother got older as he was always the last to finish he learned that falling asleep at the table would get him out of eating the rest of his dinner - as the youngest we always felt that he was spoilt (smile).

Every meal was therefore set up. It is unlikely that as a child you can eat an adult sized meal and  you end up feeling full just looking at the plate.  The combination of eating all or having to stay behind when everyone else has gone makes you associate certain patterns of behavior with food.

Your Eyes too Big for your Belly! 

Digital Art - Amanda Trought

Don’t get me wrong, my mother’s food was always delicious, but when your full your full.  The saying that “your eyes are too big for your belly” was one I heard often, I would ask for more without thinking about whether I could eat it and invariably ended up eating it because I thought that if I stuffed it down it would be an achievement and they would be proud of me and I am not sure where I got that from. I remember my dad’s face the first time I overate.  He had this look on his face and seem to be beaming, but I took it to mean that he was proud of me and so would always over eat wanting to recreate that feeling. It is funny what a 10 year old thinks they see, compare to what is actually the case.

Activities

Whilst on one hand I was over eating, we didn’t lead a sedentary childhood, we were always out on our bikes or scooters. Going up to Hampstead Heath and Parliament Hill Fields to have our adventures and play.

When you think of how you grew up, what associations do you have, or have you had with food?

Take away the stress

I always thought that my son when he was little would want to eat everything that I made and when he didn’t the feelings that I was either a bad mother or couldn’t nurture started to rear its head and also appeared when I was looking after my mother. I didn’t realize at the time that my son wouldn’t starve he just didn’t want to eat at the time, mum wouldn’t starve herself, she just either didn’t want what I cooked or wasn’t ready to eat. One of the most important things that my health visitor said to me was to give my son a small plate of food, and when he ate it would not associate food with failure and I also did this with my mother and made sure I had fruits available so that they could have them if they got hungry. This made eating less stressful for all of us.

The Food Industry 

Digital Art - Amanda Trought

Food is used in an emotional way by the food industry and advertisers, making you think you are hungry, associating foods with lifestyles and for most of us we can remember times where an advert has played and we immediately want the food or the drink they have just shown. Food is used in celebration – take cake, we also use cake for consoling ourselves, and in the films you see people using ice cream to console a broken heart. In the UK the placement of food is worth millions of pounds. Food is strategically placed for maximum effect encouraging us to browse a little longer – things are moved around on a regular basis – so you can never find what you want and just nip in and out of the store. The bread and cake aisles at the back of the store wafting freshly baked produce throughout this encourages you to linger as you contemplate buying a cake to celebrate a day in the week.

Food has power, it can make us feel shame, soothed, berated, it numbs emotion, It has a way of making you feel inadequate, dependent, addicted, but it can also comfort, make us feel nourished, celebrated, and it's revered. When you have an unhealthy relationship with food brought on by layers of misunderstandings these can be the hardest associations to break. 

I will always identify some foods as comfort foods, mine are jacket potatoes, cake and custard, chocolate cake, Sunday dinners when all the family would gather and there would be laughter and fun, filling your bellies and either going out for a walk or sitting down watching a film, playing games and the washing up and going down memory lane as we laughed on into the night.

What you can do 

While I still have a connection with food I control it better now.  I make sure that I eat foods that are in as natural a state as possible, I grow my own food and I am focused on the impact of the food on my body and health. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have cake, but I am aware of the consequences of the foods that I eat, and I don’t attach any emotion to someone not eating the food I cook as anything to do with my abilities. I also look at how I can creatively express whatever emotions that I am feeling by working in my Art Journal. 

Activities

First you have to stand up and admit you have issues around food and emotion

• Think of the reasons why this might have come about, ie something in your childhood or the way you have been brought up to view food. 

• If you are feeling a particular emotion and want to eat something to make yourself feel better then you need to first drink some water then do some work in your art journal, just identifying what you might be feeling, how it started, and how you can use your creative tools to make you feel better rather than a slice of cake. 

• Know that your emotional attachments can impact on your health and well-being so you need to invest in your health as there is no do over.

Check out some of my art videos and podcasts to help you spend more creative time, and remember to take some time out for you!

Check out this weeks Podcast

If you want to support me as I create Arts and Health resources, videos and tutorials for free then come over to my Patreon Page, and see how you can benefit from your support.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Before you go.. 

You might want to check out some of these Amazon resources if you want to look further into the emotions and food.  Click on the book to take you to Amazon