Caring in Dementia - Part of you has to shut down

As I cared for my mother who is living with Dementia and is unable to look after herself I went through a range of emotions to deal with the situation.  The emotions included sadness, loss, guilt, anger and more.  There was no manual that could help me identify or avoid them and over the years I had to find ways to navigate the onslaught of emotions that at times came solo, but very often alternated at a moments notice and came all at once.  In the video below I share my thoughts on dealing with the emotions.

As I cared for my mother who is living with Dementia and is unable to look after herself I went through a range of emotions to deal with the situation.  The emotions included sadness, loss, guilt, anger and more.  There was no manual that could help me identify or avoid them and over the years I had to find ways to navigate the onslaught of emotions that at times came solo, but very often alternated at a moments notice and came all at once.

I think that most people have this 'emotional off switch' when dealing with stress on a recurring basis.  The switch becomes activated to enable them to cope with difficult situations and circumstances. 

What emotional areas have you shut down?

I found that over the 17 years of looking after mum and more recently since she has been in a home that I develop ways to deal with the situation to help me get through the day to day.  When you work in the care profession it is natural to access this 'emotional off switch' as they deal with sickness and death as a regular occurrence and it can sometimes come across as if they are cold and uncaring when dealing with a sensitive situation.

Flipping the Emotion Switch

I flipped the emotion switch when I began to care for mum and couldn't think about the impact of caring for her as her daughter or to the family while I cared for her.  I made sure that all her physical, and emotional needs were taken care of and didn't think about how I felt as her daughter as there were things to be done, I just got on with it.

Now she is in a home, my thoughts only rest on how she is being looked after, what I observe in the interactions with the staff and the residents and making sure that I notice any changes that may be taking place.  One of the worst emotions I had ever felt was walking away knowing that she couldn't do the same when she was ready and despite feeling sad I had to put on the brave, upbeat and cheerful face, but I wondered if I was able to fool mum.

Sharing your experience can really help

You don't really hear people talk about it, and two years ago I kept my feelings tightly on lock down.   The reality of it is that whilst I don't want mum to be in a home there isn't anything I can do at the moment to change this reality, so you have to decide how you come to terms with the thoughts of   abandonment, and all the other things that call you to trust that those who work in the care profession are there because they want to be, not just trying to make money. It calls for a certain level of trust and faith that she is surrounded by people who value life and are treating the elderly residents with love and care.

In the filing cabinet of the mind you put the emotions in a hidden file, and you don't ever call the file up to review, though you know you will have to some day, but for now you lock the door and swallow the key, otherwise you would cry every time you leave.  

How to open up?

How do you press the reset button?

Once you have flipped the switch and shut down those areas emotionally how to you reset?  This has been a question that I pondered on quite a bit.  For a long while I didn't want to think about it, let alone write about it, but at some point you have to acknowledge it and deal with it for your loved ones sake as well as your own.  I found recently that when I acknowledge the emotions and shared them that I heard from so many others who were going through or had gone through the same situation, I wasn't alone.   Some people shared their heart and thanked me for sharing mine, others felt I shouldn't be talking about the emotions in an open way.  I understand that some people are not comfortable discussing these things, and they may have to look at other ways they can come to terms with the issues they face.  

 You often feel isolated as a carer and you go it alone, soldiering along without realizing that when you shut down these areas it very so subtly begins to effect other areas of your life.  I felt as if my voice was being effected, like there was a giant lump in my throat and I couldn't express myself, and that is where you then begin to isolate yourself even more.  

Over the years gathering first hand experience I have been able to share what I have learnt and presented at conferences, seminars and workshops in England, France, Norway, Montserrat and Barbados about the Effects of Care on the Carer and the use of the Arts in Care.  I have spoken on the radio, barbados tv and had work in magazines  It has been a great honor to see that sharing my experience can help so many others in their walk.

Talking at the Allioagana Festival of the Word - Montserrat 

Barbados Alzheimer's Association Conference

The more I shared the practical side, the more people expressed support because it helped them talk about their situation.  It also helped non carers relate and empathize with those who are carers, finding ways that they too could offer help and look at strategies for creating a support network.

Carers Support Services

It is absolutely vital that carers have support systems in place that they can access to discuss what they are going through alongside meeting others who may have different methods for coping, there needs to be recognition of cultural differences and reaching those carers who would not normally use the services on offer.  Sharing your experience with those who relate stops you from permanently locking down the negative emotions that if internalized for an extended period will affect your health and well-being, so finding out about your local carers groups and activities for support is important.

Spending as much quality time as possible is the key

The Arts and Alternative therapies and more recently Garden Therapy have always been a go-to for me, and I have spent my time researching and developing different ways to not only help me but to give my mum a better quality of interaction, whether it be through massage, singing or playing music that she can relate to down to creating simple instruments and age appropriate toys and activities that she can relate to as she appreciates the interaction as well.

While shutting down certain emotions might help you in the short term you have to realize that it cannot be a permanent solution and will impact negatively on your health and well being over time.  Making sure that you have things in place along the way will help you find more balance to your situation.  Check out some of my previous posts HERE and HERE that might encourage you on your journey, and some creative activities HERE and HERE that you can check out.

If you want to support some of my initiatives to provide free online creative resources for those who are carers, perhaps you will consider joining me on Patreon, details to follow next week.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Listen to the podcast

Beyond Words Exhibiton - London

A piece of Me still remains - Mixed Media Art - Amanda Trought

I have been invited to take part in the Exhibition called Beyond Words - The Healing Power of Art, running from the 4th June to 27th June, taking place at The Darnley Gallery, London.

It is great to be included in the exhibition.  My work for me has always been about unraveling and sharing stories, and I feel that there is always an element in a piece of art that can be related to.  

The Arts have been used to communicate and express experiences in our society past and present, it keeps our cultures, and traditions alive.  It can take many forms through craft disciplines such as quilting, pottery, weaving, music, dance, and so much more with the stories at the heart.  Our stories and skills are handed down the generations, and with each generation we can look back, learn and add our experience. 

When we recognized the value of the use of story telling and symbolism in our art we will also see how using it as a form of expression around our health and well-being is valuable.

There is nothing more fulfilling than learning a skill, being taught by an elder/master craftsman and creating from what you learnt, and sharing that piece of work you have created with your own hands.

I have been using art and creativity as a way to express different aspects of my life and perspective. I remember the stories heard from our elders as they gathered around the kitchen table, kids were seen and not heard and often the adults would forget were were lurking in the background until we piped up with a question, and they would order us out.  This too comes out in the creations.  

Learning to capture moments of our lives in art and creativity tells part of our life experience that you might not see if you spoke to me.  When I think of my experience as a carer I learnt to look at my role in a very ordered way and the work I have in this exhibition looks at how I learnt to compartmentalize every thing I did when I looked after my mum who is living with Dementia, and the feeling invisible around all the different roles that are taken on.

A Piece of Me still Remains - Amanda Trought Mixed Media Artist

The different images represent the different roles that I had to take on to make it work, and the numbers represent the passing of time.  I was never able to express that it was what I was doing, but as I created the painting it was what was coming out and found its way to the canvas.

A Piece of Me still Remains - Amanda Trought

I hope you will be able to make it to the exhibition, there is a wonderful range of art work on display.  The official opening night is on Friday 8th June 

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Arts in Health Network

Join the free Arts in Health Network, find out about events happening all around the world, share your Arts in Health Network projects.

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London Creativity and Wellbeing Week

If you want to take in some other events then check out the Creativity and Wellbeing Week, an initiative of the London Arts in Health Forum

For a full list of events happening both in and outside of London click HERE

There is a great variety of events that you can go along to.  Who knows it might inspire you to do something totally new and nurture your creative voice!

Stay blessed and be a blessing

Dementia and Care - Asking for Help

Asking for Help

Being a carer for nearly 17 years to my mother who is living with dementia had it's ups and downs.  Amidst the feelings of hopelessness, guilt, anger and everything in between, there was joy, laughter, dancing and someone not wanting to leave the dance floor, (and it wasn't me!!!)  I shared some of my journey HERE

For those who knew mum before the dementia developed into the more severe stages they would think back and smile at her beautiful personality that always lit up a room, I am so glad I took so many videos and photographs of her

I  knew that at some point I would need to express how I felt the emotions that I experienced as a carer, those true and honest feelings that we very often keep hidden - whilst I shared the practicalities without emotion.  I wanted to share the ups and downs and how I dealt with them.  

Each post that I will share touches on an emotion but essentially I hope if you are or have experienced the same thing then you would have the strength to share your voice as well and not stay isolated - some feel it is a sign of weakness if you share what you are going through.  I think it is perfectly alright to share how you feel not everyone is going to get it, like it or you for that matter.  Not everyday is a bed of roses, and those are few and far between when all you seem to be laying on is the thorns.

What ever emotion you feel after watching the video it is alright!  Alright that you feel that way, but make sure that you listen to the message that is really the essence of the video.

The message is..... -  it is alright to ask for help, we don't have to carry this world and its cares on our own.  My triggers I guess are around the emotional ties of food.  If you didn't finish your food then you wouldn't be able to leave the table, that's what we were told when we were little.  At an early age my son was a fussy eater and I thought I wasn't looking after him well enough because he wouldn't eat at set times.  The health visitor after I shared with her said just let him enjoy and play with his food, put paper down to catch any he decides to fling, he won't starve himself, and you can take the pressure off yourself.  Admitting that there was a problem and how I felt she was able to make a suggestion that helped so much, and was the first glimpse for me about the emotional ties that I had with food.

Come Full Circle

Mum began to store liquid in her mouth about 8 years ago, I coped,  but as it went on it got more difficult to deal with as you would have to physically remove it from her mouth which could be upsetting.  At one point the health visitors words about my son and not wanting to eat rang in my mind, and perhaps mum wasn't ready to eat, or maybe she didn't want what I was giving her.  Obviously there are the issues that might be about the dementia and the effects, but it was something that I couldn't control and perhaps she was trying to gain control and some independance.  If you don't finish your food you can't leave the table or have any pudding... what then, sometimes mum went all day with liquid in her mouth.  The emotions I began to feel were the same ones that I felt when my son wouldn't eat, that you failed at nurturing - what does that say about you now??? The Critic can be quite brutal, but that's for another post.

Asking for Help

There are people around you that are either waiting for you to ask them or for you to let go of the reigns and let them in to help you.  Though most see you 'seemingly cope' and feel that you have it worked out, don't know what to say to you or what help to offer.  It is alright to not have it all together, or worked out.  Dementia affects more than just the person living with it, but the wider community, and as a community if we all gave our support however small that is then families would feel less isolated and more connected and our elderly wouldn't be shut away in homes with no visitors.

I will be sharing more thoughts on my feelings over the coming weeks, in Art Journalling, video and blog, I hope you are blessed and share what you may be going through, how you deal with it, are there any creative activities that you use? You are not in this alone.

Think about the emotional attachments that you may have that are informing your current situation. 

*  What do you need to let go of?

*  What areas can you ask for help?

*  identify 2 people and ask

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Altered Books - Studio Essentials

Thank you for joining me in my studio for the Art Studio Essentials Daily Series which I hope will kick start your creativity and enable you to check out some of your supplies.  Today I will be showing you my Altered Books.  These are a great way to recycle old and worn books.  Why not pay your Charity or Thrift store a visit to see what interesting books they have that you can use.

You usually find that the Children's section has a good selection of hard back books and they usually have some that have a variety of flaps that are used to tell the story that you can use for a feature in your own altered book.

Don't neglected your art supplies that are screaming to be used.

Check out the video below for more on some of the books I altered and why they are on my studio essential list.

I AM TEACHING

I am teaching on the BADASS Art Journal Course, and I will be offering a Free Bonus if you sign up using my link on the page.  Check it out here and see what Great additions that you will be getting!! 

BADASS Art Journal and Bonus sign up

Check out the bonus line-up HERE

If you are interested in learning how to alter a book check out some of the books I found on Amazon, also check out some of the art supplies listed in the video that available at a discount!

Altered Book Special Effects

The Following books I own and they have some really useful ideas for you to try.  Look out for my review

Altered Board Book on Amazon

Altered Book Collage on Amazon

Finally, sign up to my Mailing list and receive the publication 25 Ways to fit Art and Creativity into your Life!

Spinning and weaving - Sea Island Cotton Pursuits

 I have been growing Cotton in my garden and currently have 4 plants, 3 of which has been producing quite a bit of what is known as Sea Island Cotton.

Cotton growing in the garden showing the Bolls

 Excitedly I took a trip to a store in London, Seven Sisters that sold Yarn and other tools that would help me process the cotton. 

I never thought that I would get into weaving and spinning but couldn't let the cotton just go to waste.  Sea Island Cotton is grown in Barbados, Jamaica and Antigua and has a reputation of being a superior cotton.

Sea Island Cotton of Barbados, waiting to be picked

 As a Mixed Media Artist I am always looking for interesting ways to incorporate different materials in my work.  With the textiles that I have been working with this is a great way to incorporate the cotton into my work.

Check out the Video

The Handweavers Studio and Gallery is a lovely store to browse and they also have many courses to suit whether beginner or experienced which you can check out HERE.

I spent a good while in the store getting familiar with the different fibers that I can get to practice with, the books they had on display carried a wealth of information.  There are so many different terms for the different stages, as a newbie I have a lot to learn.

I didn't realize that there was so many different types of cotton and yarn in general

The staff were very helpful and I managed to spend 2 hours soaking up all the different yarns and equipment they had to offer.

The Handweavers Studio and Gallery has many courses to suit whether beginner or experienced which you can check out.

If you are interested in taking any classes check out Craftsy and their FREE Trial they have some amazing courses!

Craftsy have some  Weaving and Spinning courses in their free trial http://bit.ly/CrafAT18 at the moment!

Creative Bug also have a good selection of  classes and have a One Month Free Access!

Creativebug

I also found some books and resources on Amazon that will help me with my spinning and weaving skills, you might find them useful too!  

Click on the image to check them out in amazon

Hand Spinning

Yarnitecture

Hand Weaving Basi

Spinning Hand Dyed Fibre

Drop Spindle Kit

I will also be sharing on my Creative Gardener Channel how my cotton is growing in the coming months.  You can see 31 of the different plants that I am growing in my garden at the moment.

Who knows you might join me on this journey and feel drawn to spinning and weaving as well.  Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Money Mob - Radio Interview Art and Urban Gardening

Things have been happening so quickly that I was having a hard time keeping up with myself.  I touched down in London nearly two weeks ago and about a week was spent nursing a cold that I caught from my mother.  I am on the mend and just have a cough remaining and I will be sharing more over the coming days some of the things that I have been getting up to.  

I wanted to share what will be happening this evening.  I have been asked for the second time to be on the Money Mob Black business Forum Radio Talk Show which is on every THURSDAY from 6pm - 8pm on Urban Jazz Radio

It is great to be able to talk about some of the work that I am doing both here and in Barbados with art, arts in health and more recently organic Gardening.

I would love to have you join us on the show with your host
Paul Muhammad & Co-hosts Glenys Russell & Sister Barbara

You can listen in the following ways: - 

Listen via the Urban Jazz Radio website:

www.urbanjazzradio.net or

http://tunein.com/embed/player/s118367/

I will definitely be sharing more of my trip so do come back!

Pressing Life's Pause Button

Pressing Life's Pause Button - 

before it gets pressed for you!

Life has a way of getting you to stop, despite not wanting to, and what you do with it is entirely up to you.  You can take the wisdom that whispers ever so silently in your ear to slow down, take stock and recalculate, or you can choose to ignore it entirely and as you stir that morning you find that you are in excruciating pain, and those parts that use to move smoothly are holding you to ransom.

I think my whispers began when I broke my little toe.  A very small appendage you might think but it still has oh so many nerve endings that throbbed in unison as if they were all doing the 'Candy/electric slide' turn right about there, as I climbed over a small makeshift barrier to stop the dog from entering the spare room - the very one that you can see peaking at the top of the picture below!

The whisper told me get organised, I chose to carry on with my very own routine that now included a dog called Cole and I would just get on with things.  My little toe caught in the makeshift barrier without me seeing the secret rendezvous for one and before i knew it the job had been done.  One broken toe throbbed, swelled and I soldiered on as you do.  The question asked so many times - are you sure its broken?  I did 'that look' with my eyes saying through gritted teeth that I was the broken toe expert thank you very much!

Ignoring the signs

To add insult to injury our new puppy decided that my toe was the launch pad to every thing fun, he would sit, stand, jump gnaw at the poor toe that did no wrong.  For some reason I still chose not to listen and ran about as normal.

A friend visited from the UK and I spoke to them about that feeling of wanting to pause things but felt like I was on a roller coaster to try and get the things that I wanted to get done organised.  Now with the UK visit looming I tried to sort out as many things as possible, realizing that the main important things are the ones to focus on, and then I came away on the flight.

April always brings about the Ultimate Blog challenge which I am a part of and you have to create a blog post every day on a specific or a range of topics, so why not add another thing to the list of things to do.  I chose to share about things to do on a budget in the UK, I was on a budget so it would be a great way to be able to share some of my findings, especially going to all the cool Art Galleries and events that I had found, but I was about to get a wake up call.

Braving the cold weather

I heard the whispers again but assumed it was the cold weather, the breeze hitting my hat and skimming my ears, but no, I wrapped up warm but it mattered not what I had on I was still chilled to the bone as if I had been in the deep freeze waiting to thaw out.  I would get these looks as I went about my day - these people really didn't know that despite being in Barbados I still got cold so I ignored the looks as I tried to get on with things.

It began to dawn on me that as much as I wanted to do my body was telling me something else, I started to get a sore throat, and then started to sneeze, and I put it down to mum who had a cold, but it would be something that I could shake.  What is with noses running like rivers, I would be sitting there talking to my friend and before you know it the banks burst and holding my head back at a particular angle had to fight to get the tissues out of my bag while it tumbled it's way to my top lip - is it just me?.

How many times do you need to be told

I continued to brave the cold the following day with a list of things that I wanted to do before I was hit.

Why is it that we ignore the warning signs trying to pretend that we can put on our super hero costume and dodge all the signs cause they are not really for me.

The Pause Button was pressed without me being able to and all I was able to do is wrap up, drink my herbal remedies and sleep.  

Honey, Lemon and Ginger the essentials - the garlic is around the corner

The sun shone through the windows tempting me to venture out and I must admit that I went to feel the rays against my sink reminded me of the conversation about putting things on pause so that I could catch my breath and I have been resting, reading, catching up and nurturing my body, I have to remind myself of on a regular basis to ensure that I had more balance in my life, which is not something we should scoff at, but take it seriously before you are forced to take the time.  

I have taken a pause - As I type this I have my feet up wrapped in a blanket. Take a moment to think about the following questions and the changes that you need to make. 

• What is it that you need to do and NOW that you have been putting off?
• What do you need more of in your life?
• What pain have you been putting up with that you need to have checked out.

While you are at it, check out some of the Resources and Discounts that you could be making use of.