N is for Neighbourhoods

A view from Parliament Hill Fields, over looking the City of London

When we were growing up as kids you knew all your neighbours and they looked out for you.  We were always scared of doing something wrong as dad seemed to know everyone and it might get back to him and then we would get in big trouble.    I remember riding with my brother on our pale blue scooters, doing wheelies, feeling free - not the slightest idea of what changes were to come. Defying the ‘NO BALL GAMES' sign and playing football, climbing walls, laughing out loud with the other kids on the adventure playground, flying kites and so many adventures on Parliament Hill Fields.  It is very different now, as we have grown older, some grey hairs are peeping and the knees are not quite what they used to be. The neighbours have passed away and the new families now living in isolation, a quick hello then they rush behind closed doors to find sanctuary.

Last year, one Saturday afternoon mum was dropped off early from her day centre and before anyone could get there she decided to go for a wander with a 'new' neighbour holding the door open for her.   When the police arrived I felt annoyed by what seemed like pleasantries, and routine reassurance, we just wanted her back.  We scoured the streets for hours and paced the floor wondering how she would cope when it got dark - we were sick with worry. The doorbell rang, and mum waltzed in with two strapping police men laughing and joking "hope to see you again" she said .....She was found 5 miles away, having crossed several large roads and taking a bus ride.....What can I say!!  She never has told of her own adventure but we were thankful that the people she talked to on the way had the foresight to realise she was lost and call the police.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

M is for Motherhood

Limosine ride in Florida

As a mother there is a perception that you would automatically be able to care, you nurture and grow your young and care for the elderly - sometimes you want to switch the button off and care about yourself.  As I adapt to the growing maturity of my 16 soon to be 17 year old son who at times thinks that he knows everything and wants to do it all himself and be independent with his talk of learning to drive, university, living abroad etc.... I know I have to let go in order for him to grow.

I don't always see myself as a carer, the term can be so impersonal aren't we all supposed to care? I understand the term carer attempts to represent the variety of roles that are undertaken, but it still falls short, all the books in the world still can't prepare you for the emotional rollercoster ride you experience.  What has been helpful has been sharing with those who have been in a caring role who can speak frankly about their experience.

It can sometimes feels like I have been given responsibility for a fully grown 'child' like in the Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I battle with knowing the 88 year old woman who use to be independent wants to do everything for herself but can't.  I watch her drift off in thought and wonder if she contemplates about those unfulfilled dreams she had when she was younger.

Mum talking on the radio about Mothers day

My overriding joy I have as a mother looking after my mother is that I may not be able to give her the dreams of things she wanted to do when she was younger, perhaps I can help her achieve those things that she never dreamt she would be doing.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love, 

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

L is for Love

A trip to Portugal 2008, mum decides to show everyone how it's done!

I have grown to accept the changes that happened and will continue to happen in regards to my mothers health.  Before I understood how dementia affected the brain I thought mum was doing things on purpose –  moving and mislaying things, or saying insensitive things to hurt.  I realised that her love for me had not changed and neither should mine for her.  You can’t see the dementia but only experience the effects of the illness and so it's harder to come to terms with the person that you love changing.  You have to learn to put all that aside.

I feel the child in me wanting to be loved in the way mum used to express it, with hugs and caring words, or a soothing song at bedtime.  We have to now embrace the children we are inside remember to nurture the hurt we feel at the loss of those we love.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

K is for Knowledge

What do they really know about dementia?...., The carers are becoming the professionals dealing not only with the emotional aspects but the physical, and psychological day in and out of the role, their knowledge and understanding increases, but they don't have the space to share...

I have come across many service providers whose work impacts on the elderly and carers that haven’t had any training in dementia care.  In my own role I have had to learn to interpret my mothers every action from why she is doing something that seems irrational to what she could possibly be trying to communicate, on top of ensuring she has a good quality of life. This has taken time, a lot of reflection and asking myself how would I feel if it were me in her position..!.

More and more organisations are consulting with carers getting them to share their experience with health care professionals.  I am currently involved in delivering workshops to students who are training to be social workers and helping them to not only understand but relate to the role of the carer - I have been able to develop a series of talks using creative activities. I think that it is vital for the carer as well as those who have to interact with them to have a basis for understanding just how complex the role can be, and ensure that there are opportunities for sharing experiences and increased dialogue that can only bring about positive change.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.