T is for Tradition

We grew up without seeing our grandparents often, they lived in Jamaica.  We use to watch our parents write and send money back to help them get much needed things, and make the trips to the post office for them.  We looked forward to returned letters of thanks and what was happening back in Jamaica.  I didn’t meet my grandmothers until I was 18 years and took our first family holiday. My paternal grandmother had a playful character, she loved to laugh, I wanted to spend hours listening to her talk.  My maternal grandmother was quieter but had a peaceful spirit and you immediately felt comfortable in her presence.

Being in the UK we were not there when they got sick and our parents would send money back for siblings who lived in Jamaica to help get the care they needed.  I never saw or imagined what it could be like to care for your parent as they got older, in my mind our parents would stay exactly as they were forever and never grow old.  But we did, we grew old and our parents grew frail and we wondered where the time went.

My son has grown up with his grandmothers and has seen the impact on the family as they got ill, with his paternal grandmother passing when he was 7years old.  For my mum the once family traditions of meeting for dinner with the grandchildren playing each weekend has been replaced with schedules of care and who is on that weekend.  We try and continue the many traditions knowing that as they get older the kids will be developing traditions of their own..  What kind of traditions do you still keep from your childhood days?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret, S is for Strategies

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

S is for Strategies

Studies have shown that the less sleep you get the more it impacts on your mental health and well being.  

Sometimes mum gets confused between night and day, you could be up till all hours convincing her that it is time for bed, I have had to develop strategies to cope with her understanding of time and can sometimes operate in the twilight zone myself!

I had to learn over the years among other things to alter the tone of my voice and find different ways of communicating that sometimes works and other times won't. In my moments of frustration too tired to find a different strategy to convince her back to bed she tells me not to use a particular tone or remind me that I too sometimes forget.  

A different strategy is called for when dealing with some health service workers.  In their efforts to deal with what 'current policy' says some can get defensive when you question the practicalities. Recently in asking for a few weeks respite break they ask me why I need it, (even though I have to pay for it, they determine if it is justified!)....on top of that some of mums information is missing.  

I take a deep breath and smile as I respond to their questioning mentioning my surprise that the information is missing after 3 years on the system and how frustrating for the carer this can be.  I am told nothing has been decided and to call back the following week.  The next person I speak to tells me that the notes on mums file say I was "agitated", he is less defensive, and cheerful and so I explain to him that I was concerned and worried that important information could go missing especially when it was time sensitive.  He says he understands, but my request has not yet become a priority, I should ring back the following week.

Yes...strategies....... in the meantime I've found hot chocolate and Camomile works a treat....I will see if I can get 40 winks! 

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is for Identity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

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R is for Regret

We all know what it is like to have regret in our lives, something we wished we said or something we wish we did or didn't do as the case may be. Regret can keep us locked in the past of never being enough.  

When I think back to when my mother looked after my dad until he died, she was on her own.  I used to come and visit but didn’t understand what it took her to get though those days.  I realise now how hard it was for her. Is it regret that motivates me now?....I sometimes wonder, ashamed of my 26 year old self who could have done more.

Regret can stop you in your tracks as you burden yourself with all the things that you could have done.  When illness strikes do you wish you spent more time at the office working or worrying about who didn't wash the dishes?  You can’t dwell in regret and have to accept you have the choice to either make changes or stay as you are.

As I reflect I allow it to motivate me, knowing that I am enough and I will do what I can while enjoying the processes in between.  It is important to make the most of relationships and even in illness create positive memories to be able to look back on without any regrets.

How has regret impacted on your life?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a month with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

Q is for Quietness

Sometimes in the midst of everything mum goes quiet, there is a stillness about her as if she is listening to her own thoughts and seeing her own insights.  She is captivated by the moment and moves her head as if she has gained a revelation.

When I ask her what she was thinking and she looks at me with an amused look on her face, an expression that seems to be saying "there is so much for you to understand about life".  Those moments sometimes makes me sad because I imagine she is confused, it is something I can’t share with her and she can’t explain her thoughts, but at other times I realise that these moments of stillness can also be her way of gaining understanding and reflecting - bringing clarity, maybe it is an aha moment!

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.