Word for the Week - 1 Corinthians 13:12

Word for the Week

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known...1 Corinthians 13:12

We are known in full....every thought before it leaves our mouth before we even thought we were thinking it, every flutter of the heart, to the tug at the soul, those feelings, imaginations, and longings...all are accounted for!

As you meditate on the scripture and enjoy the image ask and think about the many gifts you have been given, the many challenges you face, and the fruit that will come from the work of your hands. 

Words and images for the week, to bless, encourage and inspire you to be all that you have been called to be. 

What will you do with what you have been given today?

Stay blessed and be a blessing

UBC Day 26 - Dealing with the loss - Tips for Carers

Dealing with the Loss

Welcome to day 26, How do you or have you dealt with loss, and what understanding can come from it?  

When we lose a loved one, it is hard to believe that they are gone, they were there one day and then the next they are not.  They go suddenly or they could go after having been ill for a while and you watch them drift away from you.  I experienced both types, an emptiness resides within you and there isn't a day that goes by when you don’t think of them, you go over thoughts, things you could have said, memories, laughter, I would trade it for another day spent with them.

In the space of 3 years, I lost my best friend, Barbara to a brain hemorrhage, and my brother Robert to Myeloma Cancer.  I often feel that in both relationships with them there were so many things that I took for granted never giving a thought that I would possibly go through days like this.

At times I get that feeling of loss when I am with my mum, because she no longer quite remembers who I am.  She says my name as if she is referring to someone else that she knows and never addresses me as Amanda.  She can’t tell me of her memories of me as a child or the motherhood pearls of wisdom gained through experience.  This loss is different isn't it, she is still here, still breathing, interacting in her own way.

As I watched videos of mum in the early days of the dementia, I see that she was be so outgoing – much more than when we were children and we gained a different side to her personality.  She was always up for doing something new and had an adventurous spirit.  She laughed more, danced more and during this time she talked a lot about dad, sharing those tales of their first meeting.  Mum helped me deal with the loss of my dad passing even after all those years, and she talked about him all the time, talking about where and when they met and her eyes would light up as she told the story, it was great to see, this kept the memories alive and helped to focus on the good times. I realized that I took her for granted even then, thinking that she would never get any worse not seeing the corners that she was turning in her mind as the dementia took hold.

The biggest lesson that I learn about loss is that you must make the most of all the relationships you have, don’t wait another day to tell someone that you love them, or call someone up that you were thinking about.  We never know when we will lose those nearest and dearest to us and we have to make the most of them while they are around.

For now, recognize that there will be many stages that you will need to deal with and you need to take it one day at a time valuing each and every moment.  Don’t take any of your relationships for granted.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

Gratitude's and Celebrations - Prepare - Week 62

Prepare Week 62

Welcome to Gratitude’s and celebration post.  It is late and I should have posted it yesterday, but I guess as the title suggest I wasn't prepared.  I've been trying to get myself into a workable routine where I get a mountain of things done, but started watching a film last night and before that did a number of other activities, stuff kind of got in the way.

I know that I work much better when I am prepared and organised and so much gets done.  At the end of the day it depends what you want, and what you are trying to achieve that will determine just how much you do.

There are some things that you can’t prepare for and in my blog posts for the UBC challenge I have been writing about the unpredictability of dementia and the Carers Role.  I can plan for some things but not how it will affect my mum and the fallout and consequence of that.  We are thinking of making some big decisions over our lives and one of them is about going to live in Barbados, and what it will mean as family, how will we navigate through everything that will need to be done to facilitate it. 

I think about the facilities and wheelchair access that would be available for mum to live comfortably, wonder what type of support I would have as all my family are here in the UK.  We also have to think about Sekani and him going to university, not only getting a place but settling in a new environment, this all needs preparation and a lot of planning, and so many things seemingly out of my control. 

I am grateful and celebrate the peace that can come when we prepare and allow ourselves to go in new directions and experience different ways of living.

I look forward to the journey and hope you come along and join me. Why not start your own journal, keep it as simple or complex as you wish, but do something!

UBC - Day 25 - When Fear Strikes - Tips for Carers

Welcome to today's post, I have been stretching myself with writing these posts as I am still in some of the situations and the writing has not only been therapeutic but it is helping me to see different sides to my role as a carer.

Art from my Art Journals

When I look back I am amazed I have come this far, and that mum is a well as she can be.  I had many times when I wondered how long she actually had left and would start to stress over what needed to be done and how I felt about the matter.  Sometimes it can feels as if my whole life as been taken over by my role as her carer, and then when it stops there will be a big whole waiting to be filled.  

Fear of what is going to happen, what might happen and what could happen are all things that at some time go through your mind and you worry about.  For a long time I didn't want to ask for help as I thought I would be seen as weak and unable to cope 'I should be able to do this on my own' I thought, I was upset that I couldn't do it all, and then when I began to show the signs of stress the fear focused around whether the social workers would come and take mum and put her into a home against our wishes.  I worried about my own health and the long term affect of caring in isolation, If you don't have that support network and outlets that I talked about in previous posts, you are at risk yourself and your health could suffer.

Fear is something that can immobilize you and can cause you to spin round in despair, or it can launch you in the direction of taking action, you have to identify the source of the fear and then take steps so that the fear does not manipulate you.

I learnt over time to take things in my stride, deciding that there were going to be many things that were out of my control and the only thing that I could control was my response.  I can make decisions about what I do based on the situation presented in front of me.  If I acted out of fear then I would be tossed around from one decision to the next not knowing which solution would be for the best.  When I let go of the fear I was able to see the situation and options from more than one side.  So while you might not always able to make a difference to the consequence, you can be in control of how you get there though your actions and your own strengths and limitations.  

I constantly lean on my faith and pressing in, reach for the finish line.  I know that what presents itself isn't necessarily what it really looked like and the saying FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real is so true.  If I show fear in my role as a carer and what I have to do, then I have to imagine what my mum must be feeling and then that is a whole different spiral.  The thing that I always come back to is looking at how I can express what I am feeling, learn to articulate it and by holding the mirror up to fear calling it out by its name and sending it on its way!

For now recognize that you will be afraid at times but identify where those fears come from and work through them, you are already doing a good job.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.