Realityarts - Inspiration, Art and Creativity

Saturday 28 April 2012

Y is for Yearn

I do sometimes long for things to go back to how they used to when mum didn’t have dementia, to have a bit of what I think is normality. But if it did, perhaps I wouldn’t have seen so much of her, wouldn’t have got to know her like I have, to listen to her stories as she tells them over and over again of how she met my dad.

Those stories some how brings his memory to life even though he has been gone for over 20 years but also brings me comfort. There came a point where it didn’t matter how many times mum told the story as she became animated - she remembered him calling out to her as she walked by and she turned coyly and asked ‘who me’ – she had actually noticed him before and wanted to catch his attention. We never heard the stories before the dementia and she never danced, but now she loves to sing and dance and calls herself ‘the dancing queen’ after the Abba song.

Yes I do sometimes yearn for a good night undisturbed sleep when I am there, but also I appreciate my life more and it is most certainly richer despite all the ups and downs.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love, M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret, S is for Strategies, T is forTradition, U is for Understanding, V is for Value, W is for Websites, X is for Xerox

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April. I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia. If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

Friday 27 April 2012

X is for Xerox (copy)

Living with dementia some times reminds me of a Xerox. It can feel as if you don’t have the original person you grew up with but the copy of the person who is unable to do all those things you took for granted. I always thought mum would still be giving me advice and our relationship would move on to the next stage of mother/adult daughter relationship. When I was ready to listen she was slowly retreating....

I often imagine how she would express what it is like to have this unknown dancing partner I try and put myself in her well worn shoes, which is not often as looking after the practicalities can be a welcome release from the emotional side. Thinking about what she is thinking can bring up a whole different set of dialogues that sometimes go like this:

"People suddenly don't seem to understand they repeat themselves, ignore you or get annoyed at the things that you do. You don’t quite do it quickly enough or the right way they sigh and breath heavily. Their words jumbling up and they expect you to understand or they speak slowly as if you can't catch their words. A world where sound is different, sometimes things are loud, magnified and distorted. They can’t see those things that crawl on the floor, so you pretend they don’t exist, nor can they see the others that often meet us in what they keep saying is my house. It looks different and smells different and there are new people there who wander from room to room sitting and staring as if lost.

Amanda sometimes speaks in a tone like I’m her child, I never thought the tables would turn I never used to rely on anyone to help me, I tell her not to use that tone with me and I play along for a quiet life, but I do miss my mum. These bones not quite what they used to be. I ache as I get out of bed and then the alarm goes off, and they rush in your room - you sometimes don’t get a chance to breath, there is always someone there telling me what I should do, it is very different to how it use to be...."

It is different, I struggle to remember what it was like before, I've adapted as she changes and when I think about how she must feel I give her a bit of space.....so much has changed. I cannot pretend I've got it all together or know all the ins and outs, but what I will try and do is face them head on and grab them with both hands and deal with each day as it comes.

Words so far....

Wednesday 25 April 2012

W is for Websites

I thought I would list some of the great resources that I have come across over the years that have really helped not only for people who have dementia, but for those who are carers. There are a range of websites that have provided information and encouragement.

Arts in Health - NHS Network
Arts in Healthcare aims to promote, share and encourage the use of art and creativity in the healthcare environment. - This is a network that I started to encourage those involved with the arts to collaborate and share information.

Arts 4 Dementia
To work in partnership with existing agencies to inspire and r;e-energise people living with dementia in the community, to bring fulfilment to their lives - and provide opportunities for quality time with their carers and loved ones - through engagement with their chosen art form.

Arts and Dementia Network

is a forum for the North East of England which aims to bring together and support professionals working in the arts, health and social care, who are interested in providing opportunities for people with dementia to engage in arts activity.

Culture and Wellbeing
Resources for creativity and health

London Arts in Health Forum
London Arts in Health Forum is a membership organisation which aims to develop the role of culture in wellbeing and to promote and support arts in health activity across London and nationally.

There are so many more organisations out there, if you have come across any or you are an artist interested in sharing information join the Arts in Health Network and leave your details, from time to time we would like to feature any work of artists that involves creativity and health.

I also write and create resources that link the arts and health - through art journals, art work, images, and a patreon network you can also check them out:

Art and Creativity website

I am a mixed media artist and create art sculptures and wall hangings

Art Patreon
Creative videos art journal video tutorials, rewards and more

Gardening Patreon
Horticultural therapy, gardening in the caribbean

Realityarts on Amazon
Hints and tools, books and more as you journey into creativity

Words so far....

Tuesday 24 April 2012

V is for Value

As I look at my mother I truely value our relationship and I still see hope. I know that if we focus on the things that she can do we will have a much more rewarding encounter. She can still communicate, laugh, and in some instances learn. She still has a kind word to say to those she meets and asks you if you are alright.

When encouraged she can also make you laugh and you forget that it is she that is dependant on you. I sometimes look at my mother and wonder when I reach her age if my son will find qualities in me to celebrate and I hope I impart to him the importance of valuing relationships.

Words so far....