Monday, 27 June 2011

Reflection.....Scars


Last week came and went very quickly and while I plan my course of action for this week I think its important for us to think about what we achived with our time looking back on the week that was.  I have been getting up very early to not only spend some time praying and talking God but also tapping into my creativity while the house is still and all are sleeping. It's a wonderful time and on some days I can catch the sun in the garden and hear the birds as they fight over the fat balls and sunflower seeds left for them.

At the beginning of last the week with all the rain brought in the spiders, this one I promise you was massive, and seem to have a weird shaped body!


They seem to gravitate over my creative space in the corner of my kitchen....was this the unexpected I that was coming my way..... a small part, I realised I no longer scream as loud when I see these spiders anymore!

I also managed to visit a garden centre near my mothers in North London,

It is deceptive in size, and houses some beautiful plants, it has a lovely feel and at the back it has a mini pond with fish and water loving plants, it's an oasis and the staff are lovely!

On the way home were the guys prunning the trees back, not sure why they do it in June but I guess they grow quite fast and will be springing back come September.


Or perhaps they forgot to do it in spring and trying to catch up with themselves, I do love trees their welcomed shade in the scorching sun, and hearing the rustling of the leaves in the cool breeze..... What areas of your life still need pruning in order to make room for new growth?

Went on my usual walk, did 2 laps which is 1.54 miles, taking it steady, and increase my efforts this week to 3.08 miles.  They have finally placed the boarders with flowers and they are looking really pretty, as they establish and grow out a bit they will start to fill out the spaces.


Still not eating wheat, feeling so much better, though my son still loves pancakes - the American style ones,  so made a batch one morning.


In trying to get more organised, there are many things that have to change and some things that have to go altogether.  I am trying to look at everything with fresh eyes and ask myself, 'do I really need this or can it go to a better home'?.  What usually comes back is 'ooh you can make something really neat with that, or that would look good in assemblage art', and now everything has potential in being used in mixed media art in some form.  As much as I love trying new things there has to be a limit and you have to be tough on yourself, and maybe ask yourself the reasons you are holding on to stuff (unless of course I can get me a studio and all my supplies can go in there!).  This got me thinking about the things that we hold on to that come from pain, that hurt is usually a scar, we can have many different type of scars. 

When I was 6 years old  I use to walk along the wall in the picture, minus the hedge.  The wall seemed massive to me and I was proud of myself for conquering it -  when your smaller things look bigger. One day I was happilly walking on it as usual and I fell and cut my shin on my left leg in two places.  I cried, felt angry and slightly scared that it would happen everytime I walked on the wall.  The wound on my leg healed, but the scar to this day, over 30 years later still remains.

There are so many experiences that we have as children that we carry as constant reminders, something someone said, or an incident and they can often be carried into adult life and impact how we view the world.  

The experience on the wall didn't stop me from climbing on walls and I never went round with the attitude that all walls are bad, but it did remind me that sometimes we hold on to the emotion of the experience and the way the 6 year old Amanda dealt with it then is very different to the way the adult Amanda needs to deal with situations, it is no longer a huge wall anymore, it is the little wall it is now, holding no power over my future decisions. 

Think about the things that you have been holding on to from way back, that impact on your today, think about the lesson that you can learn and what you can decide to let go of and finally and clear out.

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