Almost 20 years after my father passed I still have dreams about him in totally new situations. In the beginning the dreams would be of him during his illness. As the dreams progressed he would get stronger until one dream he was lifting a wardrobe and I asked him if he could be more careful because of the illness, he laughed and told me he was fine. In my most recent dream he came to my mum’s home and had a friend with him. He was dressed really smart and looked like the picture I have of him in his younger days.
On waking I realised the friend he had with him was my mum when she was a young woman.
The loss of a loved one takes time to come to terms with, the intense pain softens, you carry on, but you never forget. I still think about my first son who passed at 3 days old, he would have been 23 now and I often wonder what he would have been doing now, thinking about all that he could have achieved with his life.
While we can’t bring back those we have lost we can celebrate their lives, we rejoice at the lives they touched the impact they had on this world and we look to our own lives and hope that we too can make an impact on the lives of others and be the blessing we were called to be.
I imagined as I got older I would be sharing more times of laughter with tales of grandchildren and aching joints, alongside the creative adventures with my good friend Barbara who I had known since I was 16 and who passed in 2011 and is so dearly missed.
From time to time I dwell on the shared experiences, and conversations we had about our journey as artists, the love she gave to her family and the love she shared with others.
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.