Dealing with the Loss
Welcome to day 26, How do you or have you dealt with loss, and what understanding can come from it?
When we lose a loved one, it is hard to believe that they are gone, they
were there one day and then the next they are not. They go suddenly or they could go after having
been ill for a while and you watch them drift away from you. I experienced both types, an emptiness
resides within you and there isn't a day that goes by when you don’t think of
them, you go over thoughts, things you could have said, memories, laughter, I
would trade it for another day spent with them.
In the space of 3 years, I lost my best friend, Barbara to a
brain hemorrhage, and my brother Robert to Myeloma Cancer. I often feel that in both relationships with
them there were so many things that I took for granted never giving a thought that
I would possibly go through days like this.
At times I get that feeling of loss when I am with my mum,
because she no longer quite remembers who I am.
She says my name as if she is referring to someone else that she knows
and never addresses me as Amanda. She
can’t tell me of her memories of me as a child or the motherhood pearls of
wisdom gained through experience. This
loss is different isn't it, she is still here, still breathing, interacting in
her own way.
As I watched videos of mum in the early days of the
dementia, I see that she was be so outgoing – much more than when we were
children and we gained a different side to her personality. She was always up for doing something new and
had an adventurous spirit. She laughed
more, danced more and during this time she talked a lot about dad, sharing
those tales of their first meeting. Mum
helped me deal with the loss of my dad passing even after all those years, and
she talked about him all the time, talking about where and when they met and
her eyes would light up as she told the story, it was great to see, this kept
the memories alive and helped to focus on the good times. I realized that I
took her for granted even then, thinking that she would never get any worse not
seeing the corners that she was turning in her mind as the dementia took hold.
The biggest lesson that I learn about loss is that you must
make the most of all the relationships you have, don’t wait another day to tell
someone that you love them, or call someone up that you were thinking
about. We never know when we will lose
those nearest and dearest to us and we have to make the most of them while they
are around.
For now, recognize that there will be many stages that you
will need to deal with and you need to take it one day at a time valuing each
and every moment. Don’t take any of your
relationships for granted.
You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.
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