E is for Enough

There are distinct stages to mums illness where I’ve thought I can’t take this anymore - I have had enough,  I don’t want to do it.  These have been times where changes have occurred and what worked yesterday doesn't work today and I can't seem to say or do the right thing.  

What has maintained from the outset of the illness is mums enthusiasm and willingness to try and you know there is usually a good reason for her change in mood, you just have to work out what it could be.  More often than not walking away for a few moments and coming back as if there was never an issue and saying 'would you like a cup of tea?' changes her mood.

Sometimes though I have to sit in the feeling of it being enough because it's how I feel and we have to deal with these feelings. It is natural to feel this way and you mustn't feel guilty.  You have to recognise where it's time to ask for help and not try (as tempting as it may be) to carry the weight of it all on your shoulders.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a month with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

D is for Dependant

When I used to think of dependant I never thought anyone other than my son would be dependent on me, and then as they grow up they need you less (or that's the idea!)  Sekani was at an age when he really needed me around when my mother became one of my dependants.  As mum’s condition worsened she wasn’t able to be on her own for extended periods of time and I had to make the hard choice of teaching him to become less dependent on me before he was ready. His response would be 'why do you always have to be the one to stay?' my explanations to him went hand in hand with 'we will do something tomorrow' or at the weekend and would more often than not involve doing things around mums needs.  It meant that we would all have quality time together, I've shed a lot of tears, but I think that he has a better relationship with his Gran-gran for it.  

Her needs have increased, and my son's needs have changed he needs me in a different way now.  While we know that mum cannot look after herself we do pray for miracles and I remind myself of all the times she picked me up when I fell, soothed a worried heart, made my favourite food to cheer me up or get me that 'must have' gift that as a teenager!

I often wonder if she thinks as it in terms of what she cannot do, or finds comfort that she is being treated and loved in the same way she would do if the tables were turned.

Graze Box - What are you snacking on?

I saw an advert for a Graze box and though I’d try one for myself  The promotion is a free box with half price on the next box you receive.  Mine arrived in the post which was handy as I didn’t have to wait in. 

Their website was easy to navigate and make the choices of things that i would want in my box. There were two choices the nibble box which is what I brought or the snack box which is a bit larger.

For those of you who like to snack its a great way to eat snack size portions of food that are healthy for you rather than high fat, content foods that will make you feel sluggish and tired for the rest of the day. I had a great selection for my first box which included black pepper pistachios and vanilla mix which was a mixture of vanilla, dried cherries, pumpkin, sunflower and sesame seeds.  These two were my favourites and is the just the thing you need for a mid morning snack!

The only criticism that I found was once you opened a pack if you didn’t want to eat it all at once you couldn’t seal it back, so a lid that seals would have been great and then I could have popped it in my bag!

Making your on line selection is easy and I was able to type the things that I wanted to try or deselect items that I never wanted to try and out of your choices, they send you a different selection each week.  They have a large selection to choose from, my favourites are the seeds, nuts and exotic fruit selection, but there have dips, breads, you name it!

The box and its contents are recyclable so you could try doing a creative project, which is what I will do and let you see the results.  Until then happy grazing!

C is for Carer

There is nothing that really prepares you to be a carer.  I obviously learnt to take care of my son, but another adult is a whole different ball game.  I never saw my grandparents being cared for and by the time my father got ill I had moved home so was never directly involved in his care.  When he got really ill  dad became bed ridden I do wonder what I thought about my mothers experience and why I wasn’t around to help out more, she didn’t have any of the support that I now have she did it on her own for over 5 years. 

Now as mums main carer, my time is spent sorting out every aspect of her life, making sure that she maintains a level of independence and making sure she has balanced meals, medication, appointments, bills and everything in between.  It can be all consuming at times as mum needs 24 hour care and my life fits around her needs.  Sometimes you think you've got it all together and the next all it takes is one small thing that you would probably shake off and it totally devastates you, and you wonder when it will all end.

One thing that has been important is maintaining my own identity in all of this, which can be hard when you’ve not had any sleep, mum has been wandering from room to room, tired but thinking its morning and everyone should be up.  Being a carer really makes you think of your own life and how fragile it can be, not wanting to be dependent on others and maintaining your own health.  I have found that my involvement in art has been the one key activity that allow a means for expression, and gives me the space I need to unwind and in turn get up and face another day.  

Art is very therapeutic and I encourage mum to express her creativity whenever possible, and this in turn helps her mood and overall well-being.

 

Here is mum at an art session at her local day centre

Before you go - Check out the Art Resource Hub for FREE online creative courses that will impact on your health and wellbeing and help you stay creative.