V is for Value

As I look at my mother I truely value our relationship and I still see hope.  I know that if we focus on the things that she can do we will have a much more rewarding encounter.  She can still communicate, laugh, and in some instances learn.  She still has a kind word to say to those she meets and asks you if you are alright.

When encouraged she can also make you laugh and you forget that it is she that is dependant on you. I sometimes look at my mother and wonder when I reach her age if my son will find qualities in me to celebrate and I hope I impart to him the importance of valuing relationships.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret, S is for Strategies, T is for Tradition, U is for Understanding

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

U is for Understanding

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight...Proverbs 3:5-6

I have tried to understand why and how mum has dementia, why our family, why now, why after looking after my dad did she then go on to develop it and what other factors played a hand - was it the isolation, being consumed by dads illness?, loosing a support network?, could it have been her high blood pressure, depression, food or environmental?  What was the trigger...

With so much people being affected it makes you wonder why a cure cannot yet be found, we hear so much information - suggestions and solutions in the news papers every other day.   In undersanding the frailty of the life we sometimes take for granted things that we can do now.  I know that in my own understanding I do not hold the answers but we can often miss the now as we focus on what we can no longer do.....

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret, S is for Strategies, T is for Tradition

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

365 Days of Colour - Flower of the Day 314 - 320

Peace

In the peace and stillness we are able to think, to gather our thought for the day, solve a problem come up with the answer to the mystery, we can heal.  In the peace we really get to listen to our surroundings and find the beauty around us. 

Day 314

 

Reflection 

Pay more attention to want matters most.. 

Quote 

Art is the journey of a free soul. ...Alev Oguz 

Scripture 

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5

Day 315

Reflection 

You will soar like the eagle

Quote 

Art is the demonstration that the ordinary is extraordinary. ...Amedee Ozenfant 

Scripture 

And Jesus said unto them, ‘I am the bread of life; he that cometh to Me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on Me shall never thirst.’ John 6:35

Day 316

Reflection 

You always have a choice, don’t settle for what makes you feel small! 

Quote

I have accepted fear as a part of life- specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back....

Erica Jong 

Scripture 

He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Isaiah 40:29

Day 317

Reflection 

Time to be still..... 

Quote 

Art is not the bread, but the wine of life. ...Jean Paul Richter 

Scripture 

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however; it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:11

Day 318

Reflection 

Enjoy the life you currently lead don’t just endure it 

Quote 

When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things. ...Joe Namath 

Scripture 

...Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really My disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ John 8 31-32

Day 319

Reflection 

Stand up for what you believe in and you won’t regret it 

Quote 

It’s easy to get bogged down in the circumstantial and mundane, but if we connect to our passion, that in itself will be regenerative; we won’t have to wait for the energy, it will be there. ...Nina Simonos 

Scripture 

The world is passing away, but also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:17

Day 320

Reflection 

Be honest with yourself 

Quote 

I could never convince the financiers that  Disneyland was feasible because dreams offer too little collateral. ...Walt Disney 

Scripture 

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

T is for Tradition

We grew up without seeing our grandparents often, they lived in Jamaica.  We use to watch our parents write and send money back to help them get much needed things, and make the trips to the post office for them.  We looked forward to returned letters of thanks and what was happening back in Jamaica.  I didn’t meet my grandmothers until I was 18 years and took our first family holiday. My paternal grandmother had a playful character, she loved to laugh, I wanted to spend hours listening to her talk.  My maternal grandmother was quieter but had a peaceful spirit and you immediately felt comfortable in her presence.

Being in the UK we were not there when they got sick and our parents would send money back for siblings who lived in Jamaica to help get the care they needed.  I never saw or imagined what it could be like to care for your parent as they got older, in my mind our parents would stay exactly as they were forever and never grow old.  But we did, we grew old and our parents grew frail and we wondered where the time went.

My son has grown up with his grandmothers and has seen the impact on the family as they got ill, with his paternal grandmother passing when he was 7years old.  For my mum the once family traditions of meeting for dinner with the grandchildren playing each weekend has been replaced with schedules of care and who is on that weekend.  We try and continue the many traditions knowing that as they get older the kids will be developing traditions of their own..  What kind of traditions do you still keep from your childhood days?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret, S is for Strategies

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

S is for Strategies

Studies have shown that the less sleep you get the more it impacts on your mental health and well being.  

Sometimes mum gets confused between night and day, you could be up till all hours convincing her that it is time for bed, I have had to develop strategies to cope with her understanding of time and can sometimes operate in the twilight zone myself!

I had to learn over the years among other things to alter the tone of my voice and find different ways of communicating that sometimes works and other times won't. In my moments of frustration too tired to find a different strategy to convince her back to bed she tells me not to use a particular tone or remind me that I too sometimes forget.  

A different strategy is called for when dealing with some health service workers.  In their efforts to deal with what 'current policy' says some can get defensive when you question the practicalities. Recently in asking for a few weeks respite break they ask me why I need it, (even though I have to pay for it, they determine if it is justified!)....on top of that some of mums information is missing.  

I take a deep breath and smile as I respond to their questioning mentioning my surprise that the information is missing after 3 years on the system and how frustrating for the carer this can be.  I am told nothing has been decided and to call back the following week.  The next person I speak to tells me that the notes on mums file say I was "agitated", he is less defensive, and cheerful and so I explain to him that I was concerned and worried that important information could go missing especially when it was time sensitive.  He says he understands, but my request has not yet become a priority, I should ring back the following week.

Yes...strategies....... in the meantime I've found hot chocolate and Camomile works a treat....I will see if I can get 40 winks! 

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is for Identity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness, R is for Regret

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

Before You Go - Check out the Art Resource Hub for creative resources and free digital art backgrounds for your creative projects.  Learn More

R is for Regret

We all know what it is like to have regret in our lives, something we wished we said or something we wish we did or didn't do as the case may be. Regret can keep us locked in the past of never being enough.  

When I think back to when my mother looked after my dad until he died, she was on her own.  I used to come and visit but didn’t understand what it took her to get though those days.  I realise now how hard it was for her. Is it regret that motivates me now?....I sometimes wonder, ashamed of my 26 year old self who could have done more.

Regret can stop you in your tracks as you burden yourself with all the things that you could have done.  When illness strikes do you wish you spent more time at the office working or worrying about who didn't wash the dishes?  You can’t dwell in regret and have to accept you have the choice to either make changes or stay as you are.

As I reflect I allow it to motivate me, knowing that I am enough and I will do what I can while enjoying the processes in between.  It is important to make the most of relationships and even in illness create positive memories to be able to look back on without any regrets.

How has regret impacted on your life?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose, Q is for Quietness

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a month with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

Q is for Quietness

Sometimes in the midst of everything mum goes quiet, there is a stillness about her as if she is listening to her own thoughts and seeing her own insights.  She is captivated by the moment and moves her head as if she has gained a revelation.

When I ask her what she was thinking and she looks at me with an amused look on her face, an expression that seems to be saying "there is so much for you to understand about life".  Those moments sometimes makes me sad because I imagine she is confused, it is something I can’t share with her and she can’t explain her thoughts, but at other times I realise that these moments of stillness can also be her way of gaining understanding and reflecting - bringing clarity, maybe it is an aha moment!

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities P is for Purpose

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

P is for Purpose

We often wonder what our purpose is and want our lives to have meaning.  I never once imagined that I would be a carer, having to make the decisions for my mums life and dealing with the responsibility.

I have always been an organised person, loving lists and order.  I love organising the lives of others and my previous job as an Executive PA addressed the need for these skills in making sure my boss was where he needed to be at the right time or the conference went smoothly.

I saw the skills transferring to my own business when I was made redundant.  What I also had to do was transfer the skills I used in all my jobs and refit them making them fit for purpose as a carer and constantly remind myself how far I have come.  As we gather new experiences to deal with the tasks at hand we are equiped with additional skills for the next challenge that will come.

What challenges have you faced and found you were able to deal with when you really got down to it?

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood, O is for Opportunities 

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

O is for Opportunities

 Mum on holiday in Portugal

In life stuff happens and we have to look for the opportunities that can present themselves, and these are often disguised under all the rubble and the dust.  There were times during the early stages of mum’s dementia that I really didn’t know what to do and felt lost and alone, I just wanted it all to stop.   I didn’t think that I could get through it, and certainly couldn’t or didn’t feel that I could look forward to anything but increased stress, it is not to say that the stress of it has all disappeared, I have just had to learn to deal with things differently.

The thing that helps me through is to focus on the things that mum can do and celebrating this.  She loves to dance and sing, she became enthusiastic about going out so this calls for new adventures and she is willing to come along.  It is my opportunity to create new memories that we will all be able to look back on and smile, show the grand kids and great grand kids what she was like despite the illness, and for us to enjoy the time we do have with her.

Life’s opportunities don’t always come packaged the way we would like, but very often these are the most memorable ones.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is for Identity, J is for Judgement, K is for Knowledge, L is for Love, M is for Motherhood, N is for Neighbourhood

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

365 Days of Colour - Flower of the Day - 307 - 313

Growth

If we don’t grow we stand still, wither and fade away.  When we don’t use our mustles they become weak, if we don’t continue to learn and use our brain our cells die off.  A child grows up to be an adult and has responsibilities.  What area in your life do you need to turn the spotlight on to encourage growth?

Day 307

Reflection 

You have blessings waiting for you!

Quote 

Art is not to do with the practical side of making a living. It’s to live a fuller human life. ...Henry Moore 

Scripture 

Delight yourself in the Lord; an He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Day 308

Reflection 

Today matters!

Quote 

Art is an experience, not an object....Robert Motherwell

Scripture 

The Lord isgood, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7

Day 309

Reflection 

Miracles are waiting to happen – open your eyes!

Quote 

Wander a whole summer if you can. Thousands of God’s blessings will search you and soak you as if you were a sponge, and the big days will go by uncounted....John Muir

Scripture 

I am the vine, and you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit. John 15:5

Day 310

Reflection 

You have wonderful things happening in your life.. 

Quote 

The key is to trust your heart to move where your talents can flourish. This old world will really spin when work becomes a joyous expression of the soul.....Al Sacharov

Scripture 

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Day 311

Reflection

There is a time and a place for everything, and everything in its season

Quote 

Every day I discover more and more beautiful things. It’s enough to drive one mad. I have

such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.......Claude Monet as a young painter 

Scripture 

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing 1 Peter 3:9 

Day 312

Reflection 

There are blessings waiting just for you

Quote 

Art is a language. It’s not a skill. It’s not a stunt. It’s not something that you just learn to do and put it down. It comes from the heart. ...Wynona Mulcaster

Scripture 

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. Psalm 127:1

Day 313

Reflection 

Everyone who truely knows you believes in you, do you believe in yourself?

Quote 

Good art speaks truth, indeed is truth, perhaps the only truth...Iris Murdoch

Scripture 

The Lord longs to be gracious to you....He waits on high to have compassion on you.  Isaiah 30:18

N is for Neighbourhoods

A view from Parliament Hill Fields, over looking the City of London

When we were growing up as kids you knew all your neighbours and they looked out for you.  We were always scared of doing something wrong as dad seemed to know everyone and it might get back to him and then we would get in big trouble.    I remember riding with my brother on our pale blue scooters, doing wheelies, feeling free - not the slightest idea of what changes were to come. Defying the ‘NO BALL GAMES' sign and playing football, climbing walls, laughing out loud with the other kids on the adventure playground, flying kites and so many adventures on Parliament Hill Fields.  It is very different now, as we have grown older, some grey hairs are peeping and the knees are not quite what they used to be. The neighbours have passed away and the new families now living in isolation, a quick hello then they rush behind closed doors to find sanctuary.

Last year, one Saturday afternoon mum was dropped off early from her day centre and before anyone could get there she decided to go for a wander with a 'new' neighbour holding the door open for her.   When the police arrived I felt annoyed by what seemed like pleasantries, and routine reassurance, we just wanted her back.  We scoured the streets for hours and paced the floor wondering how she would cope when it got dark - we were sick with worry. The doorbell rang, and mum waltzed in with two strapping police men laughing and joking "hope to see you again" she said .....She was found 5 miles away, having crossed several large roads and taking a bus ride.....What can I say!!  She never has told of her own adventure but we were thankful that the people she talked to on the way had the foresight to realise she was lost and call the police.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love,  M is for Motherhood

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.

M is for Motherhood

Limosine ride in Florida

As a mother there is a perception that you would automatically be able to care, you nurture and grow your young and care for the elderly - sometimes you want to switch the button off and care about yourself.  As I adapt to the growing maturity of my 16 soon to be 17 year old son who at times thinks that he knows everything and wants to do it all himself and be independent with his talk of learning to drive, university, living abroad etc.... I know I have to let go in order for him to grow.

I don't always see myself as a carer, the term can be so impersonal aren't we all supposed to care? I understand the term carer attempts to represent the variety of roles that are undertaken, but it still falls short, all the books in the world still can't prepare you for the emotional rollercoster ride you experience.  What has been helpful has been sharing with those who have been in a caring role who can speak frankly about their experience.

It can sometimes feels like I have been given responsibility for a fully grown 'child' like in the Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I battle with knowing the 88 year old woman who use to be independent wants to do everything for herself but can't.  I watch her drift off in thought and wonder if she contemplates about those unfulfilled dreams she had when she was younger.

Mum talking on the radio about Mothers day

My overriding joy I have as a mother looking after my mother is that I may not be able to give her the dreams of things she wanted to do when she was younger, perhaps I can help her achieve those things that she never dreamt she would be doing.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is forIdentity, J is for Judgement K is for Knowledge, L is for Love, 

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.