Longing - Creating in Faith

Welcome to Creating in Faith.  I am now sharing these posts on my podcast with additional insights and you can listen to the podcast below.  There are also some great comments that were made on the original post which also adds some insight to the topic and may be able to bless you.

There are many things if we think about them carefully that we long for.  Some are to make us feel better within ourselves, some for the benefit of other people.  I have come to know and experienced the longing that stirs deep within and that feels like it cannot be remedied - found hand in hand with loss.

 

In my younger days I had many desires, I would have been convinced that some of which I could not live without, and thinking about them now see them as trivial and unimportant. My maturity makes sense of the world and understands how views, and desires change, and in my youth often with the wind.

My thoughts on longing are around the loss of a loved ones - a child, father, best friend and more recently brother.  You wonder how much your heart can take, never for one minute thinking that you will have to bear the callouses of yet another loss.  My longing is wrapped up in wanting to see them again, to say those words that never got said, to feel their presence one more time, to stop for a moment the ache, that dull ache which rests deep within.  There are momentary distractions and life feels like normal, you can breath again and sometimes laugh.  Then you remember, something missing, something you took for granted that it would always be there but you realise a hole remains.  Is it a round peg or a square, whatever shape it is it feels as if there is nothing that can fill it. 

Time they say is a healer it gets better.  I can say that I still wonder what my son Cairo who would be turning 24 this year would be accomplishing and what adventures he would have got up to.  My dad would have been in his 80's there was still so much wisdom untapped and how he would have had so much fun with his grandchildren.  Barbara spurred me on in my journey as an artist we shared much laughter and supported each other, and now my Brother Robert.  I think of him constantly wondering how I can use my creativity to take away the ache, knowing that he would expect me to do all the things I shared with him from my hopes and dreams.  

The longing doesn't go away I guess my you find different ways to respond, and my creativity allows me to say those things I still want to say, and when I don't know what or how I should feel I just stay still and listen.

My faith helps me to put one foot in front of the other taking one day, one thought, one step at a time.  My creativity is helping me to say those things that I need to say whether it is a painting, piece of writing, poetry or something that I have created.  They go hand in hand bridging the gap between the words unsaid, mutterings and groans from the heart, laughter and tears on the opposite sides of the same coin and the understanding that has come over time.

There will always be a longing, we can't hide or pretend.  Some days it will be easier, and others not so easy.  We learn to embrace, to share the memories, to talk about our loved ones as if they are in the next room.  We remember them the good and bad times, the tests and the triumphs and we keep taking those steps reminded of the fragility and remembering to laugh....

Do some work in your art journal and see what areas you want to focus on and express either through colour, words, song, photographs and more.

Stay blessed and be a blessing.

Dwelling in the desert and images - I just felt like writing....

I felt like writing a piece, it is called 'Dwelling in the Desert'.  I would like to write more often, and plan to try and make a practice of it. I have included some of my past art work, I hope you like it, leave me a comment let me know what you think, if you resonate with the piece.

Dwelling in the Desert

How is it that thoughts can take hold of you - from just a few words your world can be turned upside down.

Mixed media art - Amanda Trought

The attentiveness wrapped in tender words is what did it in the guise of a stream.  It is now understandable that when you get stuck in the desert for so long, in a parched and dry land where everything seems withered you loose a piece of yourself, ever so slowly until you look in the mirror and don't even recognize your reflection.  Every now and then in what seems like a cycle a stream appears.  You've been parched for so long you wonder if you should drink, laugh, wet your feet or totally ignore it, but the very idea of the stream brings hope.

Mixed media art - Amanda Trought

Every time you look at the stream it reminds you of those unfulfilled dreams, and you are amazed at how you got into the position.  You never thought that you would be surrounded by dry land in the desert for so long and just got used to it, the days rolled weeks, months and then the years and then you looked back and things had changed, you had changed and you were just there.  Your throat aches from crying and calling out "Why".

Mixed media art - Amanda Trought

Now the sound of the stream as it bubbles over the rocks, caressing the tips of the trees that suddenly gather along its path.  It brings new life, fresh eyes, new ways of thinking and as quickly as the stream appears there is a refreshing to your soul and you are lost in your confusion, feeling guilty, wanting to dip in the stream, and lose yourself, scared that it is only a disguise and the thirst will still remain.

Mixed media art - Amanda Trought

You didn't realize that you were thirsty until you noticed the stream.  Some say that if you drink from the stream you will never be able to go back, some say a new life awaits.  As you walked along the stream bed, it looks so inviting, enticing, you long to laugh again and feel at ease.  Flowing over the rocks droplets of water rise up and touches your face, absorbed in your skin your senses are heightened as you are reminded of where and who you are.

Mixed media art - Amanda Trought

Confusion now spills into your mind, your heart beating fast.

Stop talking, let there be silence you say, your thoughts needing to be quiet, banishing them to the barren part of your mind so that you can be still, you want your thoughts to be ordered to stop what seems like madness, or is it just your mind playing tricks of yearning from another dimension.

You wait, confusion tries to come back from the banished regions of your mind to taunt you again and you are tempted to get closer to the stream, perhaps you'll just gaze for a while.  You tell yourself that your perspective has changed, and that you'll be stronger, and if you look through squinted eyes perhaps the desert isn't so bad, the years still passing and you can see that the desert has a different cloud formation going on, perhaps there is change ahead, perhaps it isn't enough!