UBC - Day 13 and 14 - Time to Talk - Tips for Carers

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge for today, hope your day is a blessed one!

In Sundays post I mentioned joining your local Carers group and the support and friendship that you will find if you get to know other carers.  The Carers groups have so much information, training and resources available that you will find something that will assist you in your role.

Compartments - example of how the different areas of life are managed in their neat little boxes

The thing that I wanted to focus on today was to look at resources available to allow you to talk about your role.  This is different from sitting in a group and sharing your experience, which is very helpful, but this is a one to one.

You would be surprised the amount of emotions that you go through that very often you don't have time to think about, but they are there in the background and come out in the way that you treat yourself, ie 'lack of self care' or how you respond to your caring role and what it involves.

Compartments holding hidden compartments beneath, as a way of managing the situation

As carers we can give ourselves a hard time because we feel that we should be able to cope, we don't want to ask for advice or help and we shoulder it all, locking our feelings away inside. There was nothing that prepared me for the role of caring for my mother.  One minute she was fine and I would visit on a Sunday, have dinner, chat for a while then go home and then the next I was having to leave my son at home while I stayed at my mums overnight, looking after her sometimes 3-4 nights a week.  I got stressed out, resentful, but locked my feelings inside.  I love my mum to bits but I wasn't coping and missing out on my son growing up.

Hidden faces of a carer - you see the face that is coping when beneath tells a different story

Accessing the Carers group put me in touch with a service called 'Time to Talk', which was 6 sessions with a therapist/counselor.  Whilst I was the sort of person that loved to talk the idea of sharing how I felt about my role as a carer was out of the question.  As the sessions went on I realised that talking about the situation and what I was finding difficult would actually help me get the necessary support to care for mum, which meant that I could spend the time with her, but also spend time with my son.

Hidden Faces - revealing a range of faces that are going through

I was able to articulate what I needed to help us as a family, address the guilt I felt, which was about things that I had no control over - it's not my fault that mum has dementia.  I could stop taking on the burdens of this world and spend quality time with those I cared for.  

We know that those who care take a large portion of the burden from the communities that they live and not every borough provides the same amount of support and assistance to help those who need care to stay in their own homes, and the communities that they live are fragmented, so that an elderly person can go for weeks at a time without speaking to another person.  

Selection of art produced in Art Therapy class

The other thing that might help you address some of your feelings is getting involved in Art Therapy groups and a number of them are running specifically for those who are carers. I was again able to take part in a series of 12 sessions that allowed me play with the art materials, spend time for myself, but also produced work that without having to articulate expressed how I felt, the work that you can see in this post enabled me to express visually how I felt, and how I wanted to feel.

Encouraging post cards to post to myself over a period of time as a reminder to make time for myself

For now recognise the importance of communication, talking about what the role that your talking on has impacted on your life.  Talk about the guilt, the fear, accept that you may not want to do the role that your doing, talking about those tough things will make how you relate to your role and help you move forward.  Also try and incorporate some creativity in your day to day, I will be creating a series of short tutorial videos to show you how you can get your creative juices flowing in coming weeks.   Also ask at your Carers Group if they run any Art Therapy sessions that you can join.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

31 Tips for Carers

31 Tips for Carers

During the month of October I am taking part in the Ultimate Blog Challenge.  The overall title for my posts is 31 Tips for Carers.  It is a combination of things that I have done and found useful in my walk as a carer.  For ease, I thought that I would put all the posts that I had written together in one place.  If you want to get in touch with me about any of the tips do leave a message, share your experiences and any tips that you have found useful!

Reflections and Understanding

Celebrate Your Life - Day 31

Permission to Breath - Day 30

Long Term Plans - Day 29

Each Day is a Gift - Make it special - Day 28

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - Day 27

Dealing with the Loss - Day 26

When Fear Strikes - Day 25

Support Network - Day 24

Guess who is coming to dinner - Day 23

Caring Faith - Day 22

Once a man, twice a child - Day 21

Being Practical - Day 20

Tell Your own story - Day 19

Time for a Book - Day 18

Taking a break - Day 17

Home Environment - Day 16

Eating Healthily - Day 15

Time to Talk - Day 13 & 14

Local Resources - Day 12

Fresh Air - Day 11

Release - Day 10

Day 9 - to come...

Day 8 - to come...

Encourage - Day 7

Family and Friends - Day 6

Independence - Day 5

Remember their Story - Day 4

Savor - Day 3

Organise - Day 2

Adapt - Day 1

Come back tomorrow for another tip!

If you want to read about some of my experiences as a carer as I look after my mum who has dementia, check out the image below and it will take you to the posts.

Word for the Week - Romans 8:31

What, then, shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us who can be against us? Romans 8:31

Don't listen to the naysayers, they don't walk in your shoes, neither have they walked the road you have walked to get to where you are now, fix your mind solely on what God has to says about you!

Word and image for the week, to bless, encourage and inspire you to be all that you have been called to be.  

As you meditate on the scripture and enjoy the image ask and think about the many gifts you have been given, the many challenges you face, and the fruit that will come from the work of your hands.  

What will you do with what you have been given today?

Stay blessed and be a blessing

UBC - Day 12 - Carers tips - Local Resources

Welcome to day 12 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, good to have you here!  Today I want to share with you about accessing your local resources, that will provide assistance to you in your caring role.

Mum taking part in an art activity

You can't go it alone, and the saying 'no man is an island' rings especially true.  As carers we do spend a large proportion of our time in isolation it is a good idea to see what local resources exist in your area.  It is a good idea to check out your local carers group - who will not only have information about any financial help or training that you can get they can let you know about the resources specifically for carers, and groups that you can join that will help you take some time out for yourself.

Sekani sharing a joke with mum

Contacting the groups can be the bridge which gets you out of the isolating situation and be around people who understand your circumstances because they are going through it themselves.  I found going to a carers group particularly useful, and when mum was first diagnosed I knew nothing about dementia apart from the articles I had read in the news. I decided to attend a course run by my local carers group which covered aspects of dementia, strategies and tips on how to manage and more.  It was informative and I got a lot of information which helped, it also allowed me to see that some of the things that I felt guilty about especially to do with how I felt about the illness was normal and it helped that as a group we could share our experiences.  This is so important for carers and makes such a big difference to your feeling of isolation as you can share and swap ideas and ways you have found to cope.  

Mum enjoying time with the family

There are also people who volunteer who used to be carers and they can give an insight to how they have coped when the time comes for you to think about life after care.  It might be set up differently in your own areas, but it is worth finding out.  The main thing is that you have to take a step, make a call, put your name on a few mailings lists to keep up to speed as much as possible with what is going on in your area and find out what is going on.

For now, check out what local resources you have to hand and make a point to do just one thing and connect with another carer.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer

UBC - Day 11 - Fresh Air - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 11 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge

When you are a carer you very often have to fight to take time out for yourself, there are so many aspects of what you do, you can find it hard justifying taking a break, cause you could be hoovering, folding the clothes or helping the one you are caring for to do something or another.  There is always something to be done, and so little time.

What we have to remember as carers is that all of those things will be there in half an hour, or 20 minutes, and they will surely be there tomorrow, and in light of this revelation taking that 20 minutes to walk around the block can and will do so much for your health and mental well-being.  We so under estimate what getting some fresh air into our lungs, and even feeling the breeze or sunshine on our faces.  The fact is more and more people become deficient to vitamin D and this deficiency has also been one of the things linked to dementia.

It is vitally important then to get out of the house every day, as I said, you could just walk round the block, or walk 10 minutes in one direction and then walk back.  If you can take the one that you care for with you, you could both be getting your dose of sunshine (we have been blessed with in at the moment here in the UK, and so late in the year as well!).  

With mum now using the wheel chair it is actually easier for me to take her out and just simply walk round the block, take in some stores and hear the music being played by buskers in Camden. The thing that won't be good enough is sticking your head out of the window or door, you have to physically go out to feel the benefits.  By all means open the windows and let the air flow though your home but you owe it to yourself to experience the fresh air while walking.

For now, decide when you will do it, don't wait until you have bucket loads of time, cause you never will.  Just decide to walk 10 minutes in any direction and then back and see how you feel. 

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer

UBC - Day 10 Carers Tips - & Gratitudes and Celebration - Week 60 - Release

Welcome to Day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, and also my Friday Gratitude and Celebration post.  It has been a busy week, and I have managed to slip with two of the days for the challenge. I had hoped to post as usual alongside the challenge, but I guess I bit off more than I could chew, and over estimated at how much I could fit in.

I have been finding that many emotions have been rising to the surface as I write about the things I have learnt from being a carer, and watching my mum change before my eyes.  I had been finding that the posts had been allowing me to express and share things that I had been putting on the back burner and subsequently the emotional fall out from that manifested in different ways.   I have so much that I want to share creatively and with regards to helping others who may find them useful. 

But I was missing something.  I have been spending so much time writing about what I do that I hadn't been taking the time to just spend being creative, as there didn't seem to be the time and then after a while you begin to feel as if the well is running dry.  I wasn't feeling the excitement of sharing as I had done at the beginning and it became a chore.

It is important to me to spend time being creative every day, and when that doesn't happen its like a drain just clogging up with stuff.  My creative process enables me to release that stuff and thankfully as we express ourselves creatively that stuff is renewed and transformed and turned into a piece of art or a journal page.

This page, for me was a simple reminder that we are unique, we have so many things about ourselves that are 'all that' and more and I, we, you need a gentle reminder every now and then, especially when things seem to be clogged up!

As a carer you have to find ways to work with the time you have and take that time out (and I will cover that more in posts to come), but you have to recognise that you may not always have it together and if you don't step back and take a breath things can get overwhelming and you end up dropping a lot of balls that you had previously juggled without a problem.  I made a conscious decision on Wednesday to release myself from the stress of posting, knowing that I set my pace and have to be realistic about what you can physically do.  We also have to be mindful about committing to too many things and spreading ourselves too thin, but as a creative there is so much that I am inspired and that wants to be expressed - it can get crazy up in here!

You are so unique

I have promised myself to keep it simple from now, and I will aim to post the Carers Tips in the morning and the other posts later during the day.  I am also posting some of the new work that I have been doing on my other mixed media art blog, so check it out.  I am grateful and celebrate the ability to step back from the chaos and release the anxiety, stress or what ever else needs to be let go of. Tomorrow is another day for us to tackle challenges and be inspiring, so take it at your own pace.

Amazing qualities surround you!

For now, take a moment to think about what it is that you have that needs to be released, if only for a short while to get you back on track, or is it something that you need to let go of altogether, and give yourself permission to step back from the routine.

You can click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts on the Journey of a Carer.

Quote Wednesday - Charles Kingsley

Quote Wednesday

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about..Charles Kingsley

Don't over complicate things..get out of you own way..get out some art supplies and get creative!

Each Quote Wednesday I share a quote with a photograph that I have taken. Quotes can be so inspiring and uplifting it is a good idea to meditate on the words and make a point of saying something encouraging about your life!  Do something great!  

Join me next week for the next inspiring quote and image. Blessings

UBC - Day 7 - Encourage - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, 

Tips for Carers

It can be very easy at times to loose your cool, you get frustrated and then annoyed at something that you need them to do that they are not doing, or appear to be sabotaging.  I must admit at times I have got angry at mum thinking that she is doing something on purpose, and I think that these things stem from fear, when you think about the thing that they were quite alright doing, suddenly the next day they don't have a clue how to do it.

I remember the day mum couldn't work out how to get out of her bed room.  This was in the early days and I had gone round there and my key wouldn't open the door as she had put the chain on the door.  I rang the bell and couldn't understand why she hadn't come to the door yet, I knew she was in, I kept calling through the door but didn't hear anything, so I started looking through the bedrooms thinking something must have happened.  

I was shocked when saw her through her bedroom window trying to find the door which was directly in front of her, there wasn't anything wrong with her vision but she just couldn't work it out, she kept feeling the walls and muttering to herself.  I was scared, for her and what it meant for me, as there would have to be things implemented to cope with this new change.  I called to her through the window and directed her to the door, and then when she got to it she came straight to the front door and opened it for me.

Over the years, I had to keep reminding myself that if we focused on what she could do for herself and encourage her along the way this took the anxiety out of the situation that was changing.  I am not saying that I don't get frustrated at times, but I have to  put it in perspective and celebrate all thing things that she can still do, and today being able to feed herself is something to celebrate.

For now, think about all the things that they can do and celebrate no matter how small.  The encouragement that you can give will mean so much to them, and help you put things into perspective as well!

Check out some of my A-Z posts on my journey as a carer, click on the links below

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts about my A-Z experience as a carer.

UBC - Day 6 - Tips for Carers - Family and Friends

Caring for a loved one can be such an isolating experience with dementia unlike say a broken leg, the leg gets better people can see that the leg is broken and so there are certain expectations about things that you are unable to do.  With dementia there isn't necessarily any outward sign, as it gets worse and ravages the memory and leaves its after effects on its unwilling participants

As the carer I have found that your relationships with family and friends can suffer, as you try and navigate your way around the changes to your routines and additional things that you need to do in order to manage the caring role, you can end up drifting from your social life, too tired to call friends when you've been up all night trying to get your loved one back in bed cause they think it is day time.  

This is the same for those with dementia, people don't know what to say, they feel awkward with the silences and stop calling or passing by.  Where possible if you can have a few people that you can call on and will call you every now and again even if it is just to say hi, it is important that you keep the connections going, and for your loved one hearing a familiar voice of someone they know can help both of you.  

You could ask friends and family to make a voice recording of things they have been doing that week and play it back.  It is a way that they can feel included in things that are going on around them. There is lots of technology that you can use to facilitate this and it is also good for those people whose family live abroad.

For now, get together with family members and a few friends and ask them to be part of a schedule where they call once a week to see how things are going, or even come round and give you a much needed break!

UBC - Day 5 Independence - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 5 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge - Independence - Tips for Carers

In 2001 we had a family holiday to Florida with my mum, sister and my husbands side of the family, and mum was in the early stages of dementia, living on her own and pretty much independent.  When we decided to go to one of the theme parks with mum I suggested that we get a wheel chair as there was quite a bit of walking, mum point blankly refused to even consider using it.  While I saw it as a means of convenience and getting around quickly, mum saw it as taking away her independence, and she remarked to a family friend that she needed to hold on to her independence for as long as possible as when there is no one around she is going going to have to take care of her self.  On hearing this I saw how much I needed to at times step back and let her take her own time to do things. 

The world was not going to end if she took an extra 15 minutes to do something and I had to work around her time whenever possible.  I found that while and in the midst of her loosing her independence it actually gave her a sense of being independent, and so impacted on her health and well-being and how she felt.  You have to help the ones that you are caring for feel as if they are holding on to a part of themselves especially, in an environment where nothing is the same and constantly changes as the memory decreases.

For today, give yourself that extra bit of time to get through the days activities, in doing so you create less stress and impact greatly on your overall heath and well-being.

Word for the Week - Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...Romans 8:28

You have been called for a specific purpose, and have been called to be a blessing in the life of others, the way that will manifest is for you to seek, diving into his word and unraveling the mysteries of your purpose in him...

As you meditate on the scripture and enjoy the image ask and think about the many gifts you have been given, the many challenges you face, and the fruit that will come from the work of your hands. 

Words and images for the week, to bless, encourage and inspire you to be all that you have been called to be. 

What will you do with what you have been given today?

Stay blessed and be a blessing

UBC - Day 4 - Remember their story - Tips for Carers

Remember their story........

  

  

Welcome to Day 4 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. 

In the early days of mums dementia we would find that she would repeat herself a lot of the time.  We didn’t know or expect to be where we are now and the decline over the years rapidly increased.  Mum would talk a lot about my father who had pass many years previously and she would recount the story of them meeting and how she had her eye on him.  She told us that when he saw her he called to her – she played hard to get for a while and then the rest resulted in 3 children and many years of happy marriage.  I didn’t understand how important those stories would be to me as time when on and these are the same stories that I repeat back to her hoping to spark a memory or bring a smile to her face.

The decline in memory even with medication is inevitable but one of the things that I have found helped greatly was putting together a book filled with photographs and a little bit of information.  It is just an A5 book and I printing out some of the pictures, if you want to create something bigger you can.. 

I also created this folder with information that anyone who is with mum can go through with her and get her to talk about some of the images and interact This means that even if you don’t know her you can engage her and help her to recapture her story, sometimes she just listens and sometimes you get a smile from her as she has taken the information in. 

This is also a good exercise to do with the younger generation; if you have photographs of when you were younger get them out and start talking about those times.  There is so much about our stories that are lost and don’t get handed down and end up in a box as old photographs.  I encourage you to spend some time capturing the stories and keeping the memories alive, you can never underestimate the power of those times spent sharing.

For today, take one photo at a time, and remember and record the memories.  Do leave a comment and tell me what you do with the photographs that you have in your collection....Blessings!

UBC Day 3 & Gratititudes and Celebrations - Week - 59 - Savor

As a carer there are so many things that need to be done in order to get through the day.  You are not only thinking of yourself but another adult who needs your support for all their needs.   You can then find yourself busy in a lot of stuff, with deadlines and to do lists, busy, each with their own pressure and sometimes feel that you are rushing through life missing out on the blessings and relationships that are actually right in front of you.

You plan, and schedule, burning the candle at both ends, trying to reach a goal and then wonder why that headache that has been bothering you is still there, and when you start to think about it those aches and pains have been around for a while and so many things hurt.  The time that you crave to spend on those things that really matter and that nurture and minister to your soul are put aside and you are all timed out. 

What you need is balance and the time to savor, to sit, to think and reflect.  Among those plans and schedules and the daily things that you have to do - including looking after those you care for you have to make real time for those you love and to be with friends and share your life.  You have to notice the little things and take stock of where you are right at this moment and savor it, even if it is just for 5 minutes. I have found it important to savor the moments that I am able to spend with my mum, each special in its own way, where we can be in each other's company and just be still. 

I am grateful and celebrate the still times that I can organise just to be.  Without watching the clock or chasing another deadline, or worrying about what needs to be done but to spend time with those people that really matter in my life.

What can you to to take some time out to savor in your life right now

I look forward to the journey and hope you come along and join me. Why not start your own journal, keep it as simple or complex as you wish, but do something!

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts

Check out Silver Sunday which is an annual day of fun and free activities for older people across the UK. Led by The Sir Simon Milton Foundation, it celebrates older people and their contribution to our communities while combating loneliness and isolation. Everyone can get involved, and you can organise your own event, spread the word, or simply attending an activity. Silver Sunday will take place on 5th October 2014!

UBC - Day 2 Tips for Carers - Organised

Ultimate Blog Challenge - Day 2

I don't think that anyone gets up and decides that they want to be a carer, and it was never anything that ever crossed my mind that one day I would be looking after my mother.  You grow with expectations that you will see your parents live to a ripe age in relatively good health, and in turn see your children and your children's children grow up, but when your parent gets ill you realise that it is not going to happen like that.  There was no manual, no preparation, no guidance only fear, loss and sadness.

Mum when we were kids

In the beginning I didn't want to ask for help thinking that I should know how to look after my mum, and thought that asking for help would be seen as a sign of weakness.  The very thought of admitting that there was even something wrong in my mind reflected on who I was as a person.

Mum spending time with me at my home when I was 25

I found that being organised in your feelings and emotions is a way to take some of the stress out of what is needed.  This revelation came quite by chance.  I began to separate the functional needs from the emotional ones and this made it easier to deal with what had to be done, and it allowed me time to deal with how I felt about the situation.

Organised

When I allowed myself to just think about what had to be done practically, like taking mum in her wheelchair to the doctors for a check up, all I allowed myself to do was walk through all the practicalities, and give myself enough time to get there.  I didn't think about how I felt about doing it, or how sad I felt about her having to use the wheelchair, all I focused on was that the wheelchair gave us flexibility and we were able to get where we needed quicker than if she had to walk, it also took some of the strain and stress off her as I then didn't become frustrated with thinking about whether we would be on time or not.

Emotional

Mum and Robert at a family sports day

I know that at some point I am going to get emotional about the fact that mum cannot do what she used to.  If you are a carer you will have shed tears of frustration, loss, sorrow, or sobbed when tired and just wanted it all to stop.  I questioned how much longer I would have to care for her, and the lost of time that will not be refunded when I couldn't be with my son in the early days.  All these emotions need to be addressed and need to be heard and dealt with.  In later posts I will share some of the ways in which you can use creative activities. 

For today try and organise the tasks that you need to do and find a gentle way of dealing with the emotional issues that come up

                         

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts

Yesterday was International Day of Older Persons, what did you managed to do to celebrate the life of an elderly person. You don't have to wait for one special day but can do a little something every day, hear their stories, pass these stories onto the young and continue to celebrate their contribution to your lives and your communities. 

Also check out Silver Sunday which is an annual day of fun and free activities for older people across the UK. Led by The Sir Simon Milton Foundation, it celebrates older people and their contribution to our communities while combating loneliness and isolation. Everyone can get involved, and you can organise your own event, spread the word, or simply attending an activity. Silver Sunday will take place on 5th October 2014!

Reflections and Image - Amanda Trought, Realityarts