UBC - Day 10 Carers Tips - & Gratitudes and Celebration - Week 60 - Release

Welcome to Day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, and also my Friday Gratitude and Celebration post.  It has been a busy week, and I have managed to slip with two of the days for the challenge. I had hoped to post as usual alongside the challenge, but I guess I bit off more than I could chew, and over estimated at how much I could fit in.

I have been finding that many emotions have been rising to the surface as I write about the things I have learnt from being a carer, and watching my mum change before my eyes.  I had been finding that the posts had been allowing me to express and share things that I had been putting on the back burner and subsequently the emotional fall out from that manifested in different ways.   I have so much that I want to share creatively and with regards to helping others who may find them useful. 

But I was missing something.  I have been spending so much time writing about what I do that I hadn't been taking the time to just spend being creative, as there didn't seem to be the time and then after a while you begin to feel as if the well is running dry.  I wasn't feeling the excitement of sharing as I had done at the beginning and it became a chore.

It is important to me to spend time being creative every day, and when that doesn't happen its like a drain just clogging up with stuff.  My creative process enables me to release that stuff and thankfully as we express ourselves creatively that stuff is renewed and transformed and turned into a piece of art or a journal page.

This page, for me was a simple reminder that we are unique, we have so many things about ourselves that are 'all that' and more and I, we, you need a gentle reminder every now and then, especially when things seem to be clogged up!

As a carer you have to find ways to work with the time you have and take that time out (and I will cover that more in posts to come), but you have to recognise that you may not always have it together and if you don't step back and take a breath things can get overwhelming and you end up dropping a lot of balls that you had previously juggled without a problem.  I made a conscious decision on Wednesday to release myself from the stress of posting, knowing that I set my pace and have to be realistic about what you can physically do.  We also have to be mindful about committing to too many things and spreading ourselves too thin, but as a creative there is so much that I am inspired and that wants to be expressed - it can get crazy up in here!

You are so unique

I have promised myself to keep it simple from now, and I will aim to post the Carers Tips in the morning and the other posts later during the day.  I am also posting some of the new work that I have been doing on my other mixed media art blog, so check it out.  I am grateful and celebrate the ability to step back from the chaos and release the anxiety, stress or what ever else needs to be let go of. Tomorrow is another day for us to tackle challenges and be inspiring, so take it at your own pace.

Amazing qualities surround you!

For now, take a moment to think about what it is that you have that needs to be released, if only for a short while to get you back on track, or is it something that you need to let go of altogether, and give yourself permission to step back from the routine.

You can click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts on the Journey of a Carer.

Quote Wednesday - Charles Kingsley

Quote Wednesday

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about..Charles Kingsley

Don't over complicate things..get out of you own way..get out some art supplies and get creative!

Each Quote Wednesday I share a quote with a photograph that I have taken. Quotes can be so inspiring and uplifting it is a good idea to meditate on the words and make a point of saying something encouraging about your life!  Do something great!  

Join me next week for the next inspiring quote and image. Blessings

UBC - Day 7 - Encourage - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, 

Tips for Carers

It can be very easy at times to loose your cool, you get frustrated and then annoyed at something that you need them to do that they are not doing, or appear to be sabotaging.  I must admit at times I have got angry at mum thinking that she is doing something on purpose, and I think that these things stem from fear, when you think about the thing that they were quite alright doing, suddenly the next day they don't have a clue how to do it.

I remember the day mum couldn't work out how to get out of her bed room.  This was in the early days and I had gone round there and my key wouldn't open the door as she had put the chain on the door.  I rang the bell and couldn't understand why she hadn't come to the door yet, I knew she was in, I kept calling through the door but didn't hear anything, so I started looking through the bedrooms thinking something must have happened.  

I was shocked when saw her through her bedroom window trying to find the door which was directly in front of her, there wasn't anything wrong with her vision but she just couldn't work it out, she kept feeling the walls and muttering to herself.  I was scared, for her and what it meant for me, as there would have to be things implemented to cope with this new change.  I called to her through the window and directed her to the door, and then when she got to it she came straight to the front door and opened it for me.

Over the years, I had to keep reminding myself that if we focused on what she could do for herself and encourage her along the way this took the anxiety out of the situation that was changing.  I am not saying that I don't get frustrated at times, but I have to  put it in perspective and celebrate all thing things that she can still do, and today being able to feed herself is something to celebrate.

For now, think about all the things that they can do and celebrate no matter how small.  The encouragement that you can give will mean so much to them, and help you put things into perspective as well!

Check out some of my A-Z posts on my journey as a carer, click on the links below

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts about my A-Z experience as a carer.

UBC - Day 6 - Tips for Carers - Family and Friends

Caring for a loved one can be such an isolating experience with dementia unlike say a broken leg, the leg gets better people can see that the leg is broken and so there are certain expectations about things that you are unable to do.  With dementia there isn't necessarily any outward sign, as it gets worse and ravages the memory and leaves its after effects on its unwilling participants

As the carer I have found that your relationships with family and friends can suffer, as you try and navigate your way around the changes to your routines and additional things that you need to do in order to manage the caring role, you can end up drifting from your social life, too tired to call friends when you've been up all night trying to get your loved one back in bed cause they think it is day time.  

This is the same for those with dementia, people don't know what to say, they feel awkward with the silences and stop calling or passing by.  Where possible if you can have a few people that you can call on and will call you every now and again even if it is just to say hi, it is important that you keep the connections going, and for your loved one hearing a familiar voice of someone they know can help both of you.  

You could ask friends and family to make a voice recording of things they have been doing that week and play it back.  It is a way that they can feel included in things that are going on around them. There is lots of technology that you can use to facilitate this and it is also good for those people whose family live abroad.

For now, get together with family members and a few friends and ask them to be part of a schedule where they call once a week to see how things are going, or even come round and give you a much needed break!

UBC - Day 5 Independence - Tips for Carers

Welcome to day 5 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge - Independence - Tips for Carers

In 2001 we had a family holiday to Florida with my mum, sister and my husbands side of the family, and mum was in the early stages of dementia, living on her own and pretty much independent.  When we decided to go to one of the theme parks with mum I suggested that we get a wheel chair as there was quite a bit of walking, mum point blankly refused to even consider using it.  While I saw it as a means of convenience and getting around quickly, mum saw it as taking away her independence, and she remarked to a family friend that she needed to hold on to her independence for as long as possible as when there is no one around she is going going to have to take care of her self.  On hearing this I saw how much I needed to at times step back and let her take her own time to do things. 

The world was not going to end if she took an extra 15 minutes to do something and I had to work around her time whenever possible.  I found that while and in the midst of her loosing her independence it actually gave her a sense of being independent, and so impacted on her health and well-being and how she felt.  You have to help the ones that you are caring for feel as if they are holding on to a part of themselves especially, in an environment where nothing is the same and constantly changes as the memory decreases.

For today, give yourself that extra bit of time to get through the days activities, in doing so you create less stress and impact greatly on your overall heath and well-being.

Word for the Week - Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...Romans 8:28

You have been called for a specific purpose, and have been called to be a blessing in the life of others, the way that will manifest is for you to seek, diving into his word and unraveling the mysteries of your purpose in him...

As you meditate on the scripture and enjoy the image ask and think about the many gifts you have been given, the many challenges you face, and the fruit that will come from the work of your hands. 

Words and images for the week, to bless, encourage and inspire you to be all that you have been called to be. 

What will you do with what you have been given today?

Stay blessed and be a blessing

UBC - Day 4 - Remember their story - Tips for Carers

Remember their story........

  

  

Welcome to Day 4 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. 

In the early days of mums dementia we would find that she would repeat herself a lot of the time.  We didn’t know or expect to be where we are now and the decline over the years rapidly increased.  Mum would talk a lot about my father who had pass many years previously and she would recount the story of them meeting and how she had her eye on him.  She told us that when he saw her he called to her – she played hard to get for a while and then the rest resulted in 3 children and many years of happy marriage.  I didn’t understand how important those stories would be to me as time when on and these are the same stories that I repeat back to her hoping to spark a memory or bring a smile to her face.

The decline in memory even with medication is inevitable but one of the things that I have found helped greatly was putting together a book filled with photographs and a little bit of information.  It is just an A5 book and I printing out some of the pictures, if you want to create something bigger you can.. 

I also created this folder with information that anyone who is with mum can go through with her and get her to talk about some of the images and interact This means that even if you don’t know her you can engage her and help her to recapture her story, sometimes she just listens and sometimes you get a smile from her as she has taken the information in. 

This is also a good exercise to do with the younger generation; if you have photographs of when you were younger get them out and start talking about those times.  There is so much about our stories that are lost and don’t get handed down and end up in a box as old photographs.  I encourage you to spend some time capturing the stories and keeping the memories alive, you can never underestimate the power of those times spent sharing.

For today, take one photo at a time, and remember and record the memories.  Do leave a comment and tell me what you do with the photographs that you have in your collection....Blessings!

UBC Day 3 & Gratititudes and Celebrations - Week - 59 - Savor

As a carer there are so many things that need to be done in order to get through the day.  You are not only thinking of yourself but another adult who needs your support for all their needs.   You can then find yourself busy in a lot of stuff, with deadlines and to do lists, busy, each with their own pressure and sometimes feel that you are rushing through life missing out on the blessings and relationships that are actually right in front of you.

You plan, and schedule, burning the candle at both ends, trying to reach a goal and then wonder why that headache that has been bothering you is still there, and when you start to think about it those aches and pains have been around for a while and so many things hurt.  The time that you crave to spend on those things that really matter and that nurture and minister to your soul are put aside and you are all timed out. 

What you need is balance and the time to savor, to sit, to think and reflect.  Among those plans and schedules and the daily things that you have to do - including looking after those you care for you have to make real time for those you love and to be with friends and share your life.  You have to notice the little things and take stock of where you are right at this moment and savor it, even if it is just for 5 minutes. I have found it important to savor the moments that I am able to spend with my mum, each special in its own way, where we can be in each other's company and just be still. 

I am grateful and celebrate the still times that I can organise just to be.  Without watching the clock or chasing another deadline, or worrying about what needs to be done but to spend time with those people that really matter in my life.

What can you to to take some time out to savor in your life right now

I look forward to the journey and hope you come along and join me. Why not start your own journal, keep it as simple or complex as you wish, but do something!

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts

Check out Silver Sunday which is an annual day of fun and free activities for older people across the UK. Led by The Sir Simon Milton Foundation, it celebrates older people and their contribution to our communities while combating loneliness and isolation. Everyone can get involved, and you can organise your own event, spread the word, or simply attending an activity. Silver Sunday will take place on 5th October 2014!

UBC - Day 2 Tips for Carers - Organised

Ultimate Blog Challenge - Day 2

I don't think that anyone gets up and decides that they want to be a carer, and it was never anything that ever crossed my mind that one day I would be looking after my mother.  You grow with expectations that you will see your parents live to a ripe age in relatively good health, and in turn see your children and your children's children grow up, but when your parent gets ill you realise that it is not going to happen like that.  There was no manual, no preparation, no guidance only fear, loss and sadness.

Mum when we were kids

In the beginning I didn't want to ask for help thinking that I should know how to look after my mum, and thought that asking for help would be seen as a sign of weakness.  The very thought of admitting that there was even something wrong in my mind reflected on who I was as a person.

Mum spending time with me at my home when I was 25

I found that being organised in your feelings and emotions is a way to take some of the stress out of what is needed.  This revelation came quite by chance.  I began to separate the functional needs from the emotional ones and this made it easier to deal with what had to be done, and it allowed me time to deal with how I felt about the situation.

Organised

When I allowed myself to just think about what had to be done practically, like taking mum in her wheelchair to the doctors for a check up, all I allowed myself to do was walk through all the practicalities, and give myself enough time to get there.  I didn't think about how I felt about doing it, or how sad I felt about her having to use the wheelchair, all I focused on was that the wheelchair gave us flexibility and we were able to get where we needed quicker than if she had to walk, it also took some of the strain and stress off her as I then didn't become frustrated with thinking about whether we would be on time or not.

Emotional

Mum and Robert at a family sports day

I know that at some point I am going to get emotional about the fact that mum cannot do what she used to.  If you are a carer you will have shed tears of frustration, loss, sorrow, or sobbed when tired and just wanted it all to stop.  I questioned how much longer I would have to care for her, and the lost of time that will not be refunded when I couldn't be with my son in the early days.  All these emotions need to be addressed and need to be heard and dealt with.  In later posts I will share some of the ways in which you can use creative activities. 

For today try and organise the tasks that you need to do and find a gentle way of dealing with the emotional issues that come up

                         

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts

Yesterday was International Day of Older Persons, what did you managed to do to celebrate the life of an elderly person. You don't have to wait for one special day but can do a little something every day, hear their stories, pass these stories onto the young and continue to celebrate their contribution to your lives and your communities. 

Also check out Silver Sunday which is an annual day of fun and free activities for older people across the UK. Led by The Sir Simon Milton Foundation, it celebrates older people and their contribution to our communities while combating loneliness and isolation. Everyone can get involved, and you can organise your own event, spread the word, or simply attending an activity. Silver Sunday will take place on 5th October 2014!

Reflections and Image - Amanda Trought, Realityarts

In the News - NFL in Regent Street, Cecil Martin, and more!

NFL on Regent Street

I thought I would share the events that happened over the weekend which saw us down at Regent street  I hadn't been down there for a while as I am not one for crowds, and busy shops.  But our reason this time was to take my son to the NFL on Regent Street.  The event is organised by NFLUK and promotes three NFL International Series games to be played at Wembley Stadium which kicked off on Sunday with the Miami Dolphins and the Oakland Raiders.    On Sunday 26th of October the Atlanta Falcons will host the Detroit Lions and ending in November with the Jacksonville Jaguars hosting the Dallas Cowboys. All tickets though are sadly sold out apart from hospitality tickets at £400+ so a trip to this event up town and to see the whole of regent street closed for the day, was something to see.

My son who is a big Atlanta Falcons fan decided to bring his american football kit with him and surprised I wondered exactly how the day would play out.  He has been really enjoying his time training with London Blitz (link) but had been off for quite a while through injury and then exams and he has been itching to get back to training.  Parking the car we suggested that he check if there were loads of other people in their kit and I said to him, what if he was the only one who got the invitation....he shrugged his shoulders. 

 We insisted that he check it out first and walk with us to Regent Street, as it might sway his decision to dress up.  On arriving and seeing everyone in normal dress, apart from the workers he turned and stated that he was going back to the car to get changed.  

Alan and me take a 'selfie'

Me and Alan were surprised and nothing we said made him change his mind, and off he went.

Sekani stepping out in Regent Street

As Sekani made his way back to where we were waiting for him, I stared up and saw this young man standing out from the crowd oblivious to the stir that he had begun to cause.

Sekani bringing joy to Regent Street

We were totally unprepared for the excitement that followed him as he made his way down the street.  Little kids were tugging on their parents and exclaiming 'WOW'.  

Everyone wanted a picture

People were coming up to Sekani and asking to take his picture with them, and rather than being just a spectator he became part of the day interacting with people and bringing smiles to their faces and the attention of the TV cameras. 

Sekani keeping it real

 We felt like his minders as we walked alongside him.

As part of the overall show along Regent Street there were interviews with different coaches, and players. 

Sons of Pitches the UK Acapella group also got in the act...

Sons of Pitches

 There were other bands playing throughout the day. There were plenty of people from all different countries who had come specifically for it alongside the usual tourists who happen to stumble across the event, and lots of interactive activities organised - America had come to London for the day.

Staff dance outside Hamleys

games laid on for the kids

A lot of stores had also used the day to be part of the activities, Hamleys had their staff dress up and do a 'it's a knock out' type event the got all the kids involved and it was great to see. 

lots of other activities for the kids to do

Alan and Sekani in Regent Street

We really enjoyed the day and I guess the highlight for Sekani was meeting Cecil Martin, they had a little chat while I snapped away.  

Sekani and Cecil Martin

encouraging words are exchanged

Sekani Springer and Cecil Martin - Regent Street UK

As the day came to a close we made our way back filled with the events that took place, thinking about the smiles that Sekani brought to not only children but adults as well, this being a result of sticking to his decision to be different and not just be one of the crowd.

Sekani's favorite team - playing later this month at Wembley

Standing proud as an NFL fan

He didn't allow himself to be swayed or concerned by what other people would think, or despite what others said, and there is a lesson to be learn for all of us.  How many times have you felt the conviction to do something, but you stopped yourself because you felt embarrassed or don't want to stick out?  I encourage you  to step out of the box.  There wouldn't be all these great inventions made if everyone decided to play it safe, and stepping out of the mold and not following the crowd can and will give you some amazing results.  I bet there is something that you are sitting on right now that you been holding back from doing, I encourage you to take that step.  

Finished for the day....

Sekani's decision to be different and the impact he made on the crowd bought a smile to my face.  This simple action encouraged me to step out further especially in those times where doubt takes hold.  

Shine your light, be different, take a step for you know not how many people you will encourage on the way, stay blessed.