Are you neglecting yourself? Where is the Love? 10 tips to get back on track

Are you neglecting yourself?

How many times have you neglected yourself in the past month, have you stopped treating yourself with kindness?

I have been there, it creeps up on you, and you have to make some decisions about how to get yourself out of the heaviness. 

When I have lots of different things going on it can be easy to forget about self-care and nurturing, and when caring for my mother who is living with dementia I found that turning to creativity, my art journal and a few other tips help me put things into perspective.  This last few months for me have been a challenge, some good and some bad.

Mixed media art Journal

The journal page says 

"The gentle breeze, the birdsong, the still small voice reminded her to step out of the self imposed barriers......she was enough"  

You are enough, have value, are absolutely brilliant and more!  We often put up those comparison charts, the "Not good enough Chart", "Self sabotage Chart " and "the 'Throw away' negative comments made by other people that hurt" chart and we put the breaks on our moving forward.  Which one have you used on yourself?

We forget ourselves don't we? and before you know it you have this ache....When I am out of balance and without routine or any scheduled 'Me Time',then things that I would normally brush off get on top of me. I find that comments that people say play like a theme tune in my mind, I try to put out fires and it is almost like a bottle that gets full to the brim and then overflows (well that's how it sometimes feels).

The Neglect Effect

Neglect effect can showcase itself in different ways:

- lack of exercise, 

- not allowing yourself to have a break, 

- taking too much of a break, 

- not eating right, 

- not spending quality time with loved ones, 

- sabotaging your work, 

- comparing yourself to others, 

- feeling stuck

-  self doubt, 

TV series binge, 

-followed by the cake and ice cream you wouldn't normally eat, 

- self loathing that follows and then beating yourself up for the work you didn't get done while you were watching back-to-back series of something you really weren't at all interested in before.

I am sure that you can think of other ways - the list goes on.  The knock-on effect is that it impacts on our commitments and relationships.

Admit you have a problem

The First step is admitting that you have a problem and that the pain of staying how you are is worse than the pain that comes from change!

My name is Amanda, a Mixed media Artist, and I have been neglecting myself.  For one reason or the next I allowed things to slide, became overwhelmed at the amount of work that I needed to get done around my art, commitments, my blog and to top it all I am in the process of moving again!

New Temporary Studio space

The move itself had stresses of its own, but then I started to stress about where I would put every thing, this is the new temporary studio space which is half the size of my current studio.

Current Studio space

This is my current studio space. minus the strapping young man (I will do a post-move studio tour on my YouTube channel in the next couple of weeks), just where would I put every thing, stay on top of things I needed to get done and I found myself becoming inactive while continuing to internally stress-out, secretly hoping somehow someone else would sought everything out.  

At the end of the day you have to realize your worth and value and what really matters and make the move, make a decision and take action, shine your light and be good to yourself.  

Here are also some quick and easy solutions for you to try and to get back on track, there are obviously loads more, but these helped for me and I hope you find them useful if you need them.

Here are 10 Tips to tackle the self-neglect and give yourself more love

1. Admit you have a problem - realizing that this neglect will be a problem if you allow it to continue you have to put in the right ingredients to ensure that you can turn things around. 
2. You have a choice - If you do nothing you are still making a choice, you can choose to start making the most of the situation, what are the ways you can see the good things that you have going. 
3. Take small regular actions - What small actions can you make that will eventually create the big change.  
4. Acknowledge your achievements - keeping an achievements book is a way of looking back at how far you have come, and celebrating those achievements, and the impact that you may have made on another persons life.
5. Eat right - Make sure that you are getting the right nutrition from your foods, and take supplements were necessary.  I firmly believe that food has an impact on our health and well-being, and it might be some small changes that you have to make.  Check out my Smoothie Recipes
6. Clear up your mess - Tidy up, and declutter, start with a clean room - sometimes being around mess will hamper your productivity.
7. Get Fit - When was the last time you got some exercise? Go for a walk - get out in nature, this helps refresh your ideas, and keeps you fit.
8. Creative Challenge - I usually kick off with a creative challenge, that helps me focus on what I really want to have in my life, and creativity impacts on our health and well-being as well.
9. Share/Give -  Think of the needs of someone else, what could you do to help their situation? why not see how you can give of your time or other resource to be a blessing to others.
10. Love yourself - show some self love, think about the things that you enjoy, going for a walk, beach, swim, visit a gallery, work in a journal, learn a new skill, read a book, achieve a life long goal

Bonus 

Feed your mind - listen to encouraging and positive messages feed your mind and get a shift in perspective.

Gratitude's - what are you grateful for in your life that you have been taking for granted?

OK, now what are you waiting for, you don't have to wait until your feeling off to put some things in place, but start something today!

Stay blessed and be a blessing

Gratitude's and Celebration - Week 53 - Complacency

Gratitude and Celebrations Journal - week 53

I think that it can be easy to become complacent at times, and indeed I can say that no matter where you think you've come in your journey, you have to be vigilant, cause the very smallest thing can cause you to slip up and before you know it your back where you promised yourself you would never get.  

I have found this with my health and fitness, I had started the year really well and each month brought another excuse why I couldn't get out and train, and they were all valid reasons, but in the cold light of day were really a bunch of excuses.

Live...Gratitude and celebration Journal

I forced myself to go out early yesterday and kick start my training, I came back and was mashed for the whole day.  I hadn't realized how unfit I had got in such a short space of time.  You have to work at not becoming complacent and continue to remind yourself how far you have actually come and keep on making that effort.

Staying on track requires effort...

This is the first day of the second year that I have kept a gratitude's and celebration journal, and I have found that it helps me keep things in perspective, writing about different things helps me to reflect on my experiences while the art journal page that I do alongside helps to jump straight into the creativity and make the most of what has been presented using a range of different supplies.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to express myself in this way.

Prepare for the ups and downs of the journey

I look forward to the journey and hope you come along and join me.  Why not start your own journal, keep it as simple or complex as you wish, but do something!

Gratitude and Celebration Journal

Stepping out of the Boat - Creating in Faith

Time to step out of the boat

Anything that is worth having you not only have to work hardfor it, but you also have to step out of your comfort zone'.  I know that the times where I have made a bigger effort the results are more rewarding because you can appreciate the hard work that went into it. As you look back you really see your achievements and the steps you took to get where you were to where you wanted to be.  

We can sometimes get complacent, too comfortable or even lazy when it comes to making those changes, but with perseverance you will see the results of your hard work.

You need to get out of the boat and walk!

It is easy to decide to do nothing and not make changes, cause change happens whether you decide to act or not. You can do nothing and not make any decisions and decide to leave things the way that they have always been, but do you think the way it has always been done is working for you?  Take some time to think about it for a moment.  Think about what your purpose in this world, if that is too scary, think about what your purpose is for the next week and how different you want it to be, what do you want to achieve this week that you never thought possible last week, what will it look like?, who will it effect, how will it really change your life?  If you want things to be different you have to move cause change is caused by motion, whether it is on a grand scale or if it is a little bit at a time, one day, one thought, one action at a time.

Stepping out of the boat, out of our comfort zone  requires us to have faith - which is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen....  The bible also tells us that 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength' Philippians 4:13.  What things have you been sitting on that you really want to try, you've been giving yourself that excuse time and time again and keep telling yourself 'soon' or 'I'll do it the next time', next month or next year, and time passes and before you know it next year has come and another 3 went along with it.  I want to encourage you for 2014 where ever you are on your journey not to be fearful of what is to come, not to be afraid of what you can see, or what other people are saying.  Take a step out of the boat that you are in and have faith that with each step you can make that difference, that change.

Get a different perspective

I started this series of creating in faith posts last year July after been asked by my fellow artist and friend Mika Diaz on Motley Soul to contribute to one of the groups on her site, and now a year and then some has passed you can see my first post HERE. It has been a real journey, and I have come out after a year having grown.  I have gained new insight, which I am looking forward to be able to see just how far I have come.  I have created a series of creative bookmark holders, and pieces of art, capturing prayers, thoughts, desires and dreams, of which I know some have been answered, often as a result of changing perspective.  I will be sharing my reflections next week and share what I will be doing next as a project on my blog. Have a blessed week, leave a comment, let me know what steps you will be taking for change this week.

The Lord is my shepherd;  I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul... Psalm 23:1-3

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me..Psalm 23:4

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Feeling upbeat and Inspired?

What do you do when you’re feeling upbeat and inspired and your checking out other artists work, leaving encouraging comments on their site and then you start feeling a tinge of doubt about your own work creep in.  It feels like nothing you do is right, then the only voice you can hear is the one telling you ‘you’re not good enough’?  How have you dealt with the self doubt and the under currents of anxiety that dismisses your accomplishments or efforts and leaves you insecure and wanting to climb into bed with the covers over your head.  How have your dealt with the opinions of others that appear to come from way ‘off base’ and while feeling hurt you try and explain but your not given a chance to give your point of view and you ask yourself ‘just what have I been doing all these years?

I think that we all at sometime feel these things or hear the quiet murmurings of ‘really’ or ‘you call that art’ or the niggling ‘whatever it is you do your never going to be as good as that person down the road.....’  In fact I know we do, the difference is how we deal with it and whether we allow ourselves to be paralysed. 

I am not one of these people that go around waiting for the next tragedy to strike and I normally deal with challenges looking at all the positive things, making the necessary adjustments and seeing how it can turn it round for good.  I looked at the problem and try and see how we can make some lemonade out of the selection of lemons and limes in my midst. That being said there are sometimes where you can’t stop yourself from being paralysed in the moment and my 'take' on it is that you do have to embrace the fear/doubt/discouragement and the rest, really sit down with them and allow them to voice their opinions.  It’s not a ‘let’s throw a pity party’ that last for days but let’s sit down over coffee’ or in my case ‘spice tea’ and let’s hear what you have got to say about my life and the things I want to achieve. 

As I get older, I am learning to use a variety of tools to enable me to stop myself from sinking into the 'doubt spiral' but I accept that it will come.  It can be that thing that either carries us down with it or allows us to step up and over and make the next achievement. My spiral of down though didn’t come after a series of unfortunate events - through there have been several that were standing in line waiting for their moment in the spotlight.  It actually came as I was in the throes of planning and organising my work. I am taking part in The Challenge and one of the questions last week was to list 20 people you admire in your particular field, so I did and I will share them with you in another post. As I spent time with the list and revisiting their sites I began to feel a passing cloud, very subtle, but distinctly filled with a series of questions that started with... ‘you’ll never...’  I was admiring all these artists work and there I was feeling bad about myself and my abilities. Calling a general emergency meeting, I called on 'Current' and 'Past' achievements.  I allowed 'Doubt' to state its’ case and it seemed that as I was being encouraged connecting with different artists and making plans of my own it had been met with some resistance.  'The Critic' in its' efforts to protect me from the world was unsure how these so called positive changes would be perceived by others.  'Vulnerability' wanted things to stay the same and 'Insecurity' was by no means shy at stating what a bad idea change could be. I know change can bring up a whole range of issues that need to be addressed and it can either be supported through the process or hijacked.  

I called on Achievement to do a ‘past and present and potential futures’ presentation.  This was met with some trepidation and murmuring as they tried to allow Comparison the floor space. Needing to have the final word I had been taking notes of the proceedings and began to remind myself of all the things I had achieved, both big and small.  Like Marmite - not everyone will want to hear your story or experience that you have to offer but you know that there is at least one person somewhere around the world who wants to hear what you have to say, or would love to play your videos, take your courses and buy your art work.  I had to remind myself that I had come a long way in the last 5 years, and that Comparison does not play on a level field.  

When someone presents their work, you don’t usually see the trials they have been through to get to that point.  The technique videos they made before you saw the ones you were inspired by.  Other artists continue to share their vulnerability but they too have to fight and work hard to get to where they are despite how they feel. 

So despite how I feel in the moment I can still encourage, I can still look for the gems hidden by the dirt and the dust, I can still feel the rays of sun on my skin or feel the breeze and hear the chattering of the birds or the rain on the window and be inspired.  Despite how I feel there are still things I can do to get where I want to go -  from learn a new skill – take a course.  Despite how I feel I am still going to try my hand at those technique videos, write and illustrate those stories, complete those large paintings I started over a year ago.  Despite how I feel, I am still going to write those posts and hit publish cause I know I am not alone in the way I sometimes feel.....  

I will remind myself of my previous achievement both large and small and keep moving and share my story with the world.  I remind myself and would like to remind you if you get this far in the post that what you have within you is a gift that the world deserves to be part of.  Each thing that you create, be it art, a poem, a song, whatever it is, was not meant for you to hide.  You were meant to shine your light!  

Everything you create out of love is meant for a home and someone somewhere in the world is praying for the miracles that are coming out of the creative gifts that you are supposed to share in whatever form that it takes. Alongside the reminder of what I have done or what I can do, the gratitude’s and celebration journal has kept me grounded and whilst the spirals of doubt will come, finding the tools and using them appropriately is the key.  Yes you know you have gifts, talents and abilities, but what are you going to do when out of the blue doubt and his friends show up? Here are some examples of things to try: 

• Acknowledge how you feel 
• Try and identify where it is coming from, 
• Identify what your needs are – do you need to learn a skill or get support in stepping out.  
• Find someone you trust to share your feelings. 
• Acknowledge where you are  
• Look back on how far you have come, identify the triumphs amidst the trials, look at the changes that have been made, look at the challenges you have faced and that you have come out the other end with a story to share. 
• Acknowledge what you really want;
• Be truthful about where do you what to go, what support systems need to be put in place, and most importantly what steps can you make today? 

Recycled 'cereal bag' journal

Get yourself a journal or create something, that you can be honest in and write or draw about how you feel and look for the solutions.  When the fears and doubt come take a step back, hear what it is that they have to say, note it down, but once you have addressed them move on.  I would love to hear your comments of how you deal with your critic and the doubt spiral and what creative activities do you enlist to support the process.

Complacency

A big thank you goes out to all those who have been an inspiration, who are currently an inspiration and those who will some day be an inspiration.  I hope your day has been a blessing, and the weekend will reveal untold treasures and blessings in your life!