Moving Home....Adapting to needs

One of mums many ornaments!

This weekend finds me packing boxes, not of my own home but that of my mums.  Her needs have increased and we needed to find a place that had a lift or easy access for a wheel chair.  I was thinking with my practical head, and I got the boxes and tap and other packing materials ready.  As I have been making my way around the rooms I see that this job is far bigger than I expected it to be. I didn't realize that with every item that I pick up I would be confronted with memories, and times from my childhood, some sadness with the losses, knowing that change has to come.

Moving unearths many things....

As a child I as many do thought my parents would live for ever, never get old, and we would always come back and have dinners on. This was my family home from the age of 7 and quite a number of years have passed.  I understand now why I had to do the 'Memories of Home' posts, for a time like this.  When I first started the posts moving wasn't even a thought, I knew that I needed at some time to do something as mums needs had increased and carrying a wheelchair up the stairs has been impacting on my own health, but thought I had more time.  Anyway each room holds it's own memories that I have been savoring.

Hands off! Some of dads prized glasses

When we were little, my dad brought a drinks cabinet that held a large array of glasses that we were never allowed to use, so many tumblers, wine, liqueur and champagne glasses - it wasn't as if he was a drinker.  They were for best in case we had visitors, the glasses sit all uniform side by side, we kept up the tradition when my dad died of periodically dusting and not allowing our kids to use them.  Mum would say that one day a section of the cabinet and the contents would be passed each of the children, how do you sound grateful and turn down the offer,  we have no room in our own homes.  Now Robert has gone, mums new place has no space, it has to find a new home.

Jugs and glasses fill the cabinet

There are so many things that we have collected that recapture the memories and that connection that was once thought forgotten, I have been showing some of them to mum to see if it sparks some memories for her. We all reminiscence at some point whether it is talking about something we did 20 years ago or last month.

Egg cups we used as children

Looking around my mums home I am reminded of many things of my past that as children we used, the egg cups above had a lid to keep them warm, mum would make us egg and soldiers that we would dunk.

Soda Stream, one of the earlier kinds!

Soda stream – this is one of the older versions that my dad would use and we would have sparkling drinks, we used it quite a lot in favor of the fizzy drinks you could buy in the shops.

This statue is one that my dad got and has been in the family for years, not sure where he got it from, it is funny that the things that were so precious for one person might not be so for another and when you are gone you can't take it with you.  I am going to make up a memory box out of things that would trigger a memory that could be a talking point to spark my mums memory, for some of them it will just have to be the photograph!  

We turn a corner and I busy myself again with wrapping up glasses and plates and seeing what can find a new home, this week will definitely be a busy one and every now and again an emotional roller-coaster, but also provide comfort as we remember and take stock of our lives. 

What will this week hold for you?

In The News.....Art Exchange - Creative Reminiscence

Age Exchange - The Cente for Reminiscence Arts

For those of you who are keen to look at how you can use creative reminiscence in your work the course run by Age Exchange is a good one to do, facilitated by Linsay Royan we were given a great overview of the use of reminiscence within care environment and came away with lots of ideas and links to resources that could enhance any session, or as a carer ways in which you can engage the person you care for. 

It was surprising how effective the workshop was, and how many memories that can come flooding back when you see objects from your childhood - standard things that you either played with like the skipping rope which all generations can relate to and other items which pass down the generations. Funnily enough I still have a game called Jacks also known as (Knucklebones) from when I was younger, which you only seem to see now in memory boxes.

My Jacks from teenage years

I have also shared in my Material Mondays the crochet hooks that my mother used to use when I was a child and which I now use in my own projects.

Material Mondays - Crochet Hooks and Wool

Those who attended the course also got to pool resources and share ideas that they have found effective.  The Age Exchange venue is a great place to visit, founded in 1983 works with older people to improve their quality of life, which impacts on their health and well being.  They provide a range of opportunities that related to reminiscence using art projects, exhibitions and more.  They have an inter-generation program that has been doing a lot of work with schools, colleges and universities sharing their expertise in reminiscence, which is important for the younger generation to stay connected to older generation and see the wisdom, knowledge and understanding they have as valued members of society.

The 2 day course was well organised and informative and gave me a wealth of ideas to take forward with my own work as an artist and as a carer for my mother with dementia.  I do encourage you to check them out and see where memory lane takes you!  

Do let me know if you are working within Arts and Health, and perhaps you want to join my free Arts in Healthcare network which is updated with events, news and you could even highlight some of your own work

How massage helped me tap into my creativity

How often have you taken a route then realised that you were were walking down the wrong road?

In 2001 I graduated from University, having done a Complementary Therapies Health Sciences degree.  I came out feeling that the next stage of my life should be sharing the benefits of massage and alternative medicine.  Starting my own business as a massage therapist was where I thought I wanted to be.  My focus and drive helped me write a business plan and take the steps I needed to set up.

Along the way I couldn't understand why I wasn't more driven, or excited about the prospects only to  realise that my motivation to become a massage therapist centred around the guilt I had felt with my father who at the time had been dead nearly 10 years. 

I felt hadn't spent enough time with him when he was ill, and knowing that massage was something that could have helped improve his health and well being. I launched myself into the course, wanting to help others the way I couldn't help my dad.  But deep inside I had always wanted to be an artist and saw my desires sacrificed to make way for the guilt. While doing the massage It didn't make me feel better, I still anguished over how selfish I had been in my early 20's and the lack of help that I given my mum as she looked after dad. It has taken many years to come to terms and see that I did what I could at the time. 

Making the switch and becoming an artist has taken great effort to silence the internal critics that tell you that you are not enough.  Each day that I commit to my creativity I grow stronger as an artist and begin to hear what my true voice sounds like.  Not wanting to push massage out of the way altogether, I began to approach it in a different way, knowing that I could still help. While still relating to the power of touch, the benefits of essential oils and the inner and outer benefits that not only giving but receiving a massage can bring I started to run sessions for the elderly that attended the same Day Care centre as my mother.  The weekly sessions lasted for 4 years, and we are looking at a way forward for this year.  I combined simple shoulder, neck and hand massages, small groups of 6, where we listen to music, chat and reminisce leaving the session feeling pampered and relaxed.  For many elderly attending the centre the only physical contact they have on any given day is the escort that picks them up in the morning.  And the isolation and loneliness felt by our elderly is echoed in the news papers daily.

As I reflected and worked through my original motivations, I have dealt with the guilt I felt and ultimately accept myself for who I know I can be, I am still able to use the massage without pushing aside my creativity.  Receiving massages is equally important, and as an artist you have to ensure that you take regular breaks and have some 'you time' and maybe even use an oil blend that can tap into your creativity, unwind and maybe look at your journey in a different way.

How has guilt driven you, think of those things that have impacted on your journey, and where you find yourself now. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Join me every day this month for the   Ultimate blog challenge

Dementia - Journey of a Carer

This post is part of the SITS Girls Back to Blogging Challenge – Day 3. It originally appeared on this blog in 2009.

I thought I knew all there was to know about dementia and what to do, but each day seems to bring new lessons and learning and insights that I hope to capture in the blog, but also as a means of unraveling my own misconceptions, guilt, joy, ahha moments, and look at a condition that so many people seem to be facing and effected by.

As a carer, my journey started in small ways that I wasn't even aware, but were excused by 'oh its just been misplaced' or 'shes just trying to make you feel bad', but very soon became cause for concern and action needing to be taken. Some areas have been sorted and taken care of quite easily but the social services and care system can be a mine field. Apart from the charities that provide advice there didn't seem to be one voice of information and help that didn't need unravelling, along side support for the carers.

We were assigned a social worker who had a mother who was going through the same thing, but rather than relating it felt as if to get a response or help my mother had to be totally isolated and a urgent danger to herself. There were too many departments to deal with, too many cut-backs and no one seem to take any notice of the carer and the experience and talk to us rather than talk at us.

Life for a carer is never the same, all the things you took for granted become a luxury, there are expectations as to what you can or should do. When your worn out from sleepness nights trying to convince the person that you are caring for that there aren't insects crawling on the floor or finding ways not to agree that there are insects but you will do something about what they think they can see, and then bit your tongue when they shout at you because you didn't do it properly - it can be hard going. Its vital and can be a welcome release to talk to someone else who is a carer.
Millions of carers and health professionals voice the same concern for more research on the condition and support for carers who are saving the Health Service both money and resources. I believe art and creativity can have an impact on their quality of life and currently looking into work being done internationally with creativity and how we can measure impact on mental health and well-being, and I am also working as an artist providing art sessions for the elderly with dementia. I regularly post on my YouTube Channel videos of working in your art journal to use it as a way to express feelings that you may have in a caring role.

I have learnt so much from those who participate in my art sessions who apart from the dementia and the way it manifests itself in their life are really lovely men and women with so much wisdom and experience. If you want to share your story, contribute or find out more information join my Arts in Health Network.

Arts and Mental Health

I have seen some great results from the participants in my Art session at Raglan House Centre for the Elderly with Dementia in Camden. They are keen to participate and enjoy the social aspect of doing an activity together. They have the opportunity to have a discussion around different topics, we have music of different eras playing in the background and you can find them either singing along, tapping their feet - its great to see.

Every month we have an exhibition of work completed, and photos of participants in the session

Concentration has improved a great deal, and the sessions last for 2 hours - with participants remarking, 'have we finished already'!

This week we covered memories and words of wisdom. I was saying to the group with the rise in the family being separated and so busy we don't often get to share 'things their mother told them' or 'things they tell their children' and unless you are doing inter-generational work it often gets forgotten. 

Participants get to try new techniques and find the ones they like the best

Over the next few days will be sharing their words and some images.

Todays word of wisdom -

'If you want others to respect you, you have to respect yourself

If you would like to find out about Arts and Health Events connect with the Arts in Health NHS Network HERE