UBC - Day 21 - Once a Man, Twice and Child - Tips for Carers

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge, for today.

Once a Man and Twice a Child

I never understood the saying until my dad got ill.  He had become bed-bound and needed me to help him change his clothes.  He was embarrassed and was apologetic, it was awkward, and at the time I tried to reassure him that it was alright.  He was my dad, and he needed my help, no questions asked, but I could never imagine myself doing this on a regular basis. 

Kenneth Lloyd Trought - A shining star

I wasn't around much for mum when she looked after dad and for many years after his death I surrounded myself with guilt of what I could and should have done.  But at the end of the day the guilt will only spin you round in circles and immobilize you, which doesn't help anyone, but I know how hard it is to shake.  Many find themselves in the role of a carer quite by chance, there is no else to take up the role, and it is here more than ever that we have to give a thought to how we would want to be treated if ever we found ourselves in the role of the cared for.

So many memories...

I am looking after my mum whilst my heart yearns for a mothers wisdom and advice, yet it is often met with silence, that is the hardest thing to deal with sometimes.  I think back to the care and nurturing that she gave unconditionally to us as children, and her gentle nature.  Not everyone has the love of a nurturing parent that I know, and motherhood is not an easy road to walk down.  

I care for her now as if she is my child, anticipating her needs and emotions as best I can.  There is no room for guilt about what she cannot do or my perceived limitations as her daughter, though I am not saying that from time to time the thought does run through my mind.  I remind myself that if the tables were turned she would do the same for me.

For now, recognise that you can only do your best in the situation, don't beat yourself up but find ways to celebrate their life and what they can do today.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 20 - Being Practical - Tips for Carers

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge for today.  Rome wasn't built in a day and some times it can take a while to sort out and organise your own household, let alone another, so today's tip is about being practical.  

Practicalities

Being a carer brings with it a lot of emotional stuff, but to deal with the situation you are going to have to look at what you do and see it from a practical side, and get what needs to be done first then think about how it makes you feel. Sometimes you need to work with what you have as very often the thing that we think we need is right in front of our faces.  No one can be on call 24 hours a day, so if you can create some systems and schedules it will help you keep a track of things. 

Asking for Help

There is only so much you can do, so asking for help is something that you need to get used to.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is the thing that can enable you to handle your role in a more effective way, and keep you sane at the same time.  I found what helped me was having set things that could be done depending on the situation, grouping activities that could be done at one time, this also called me to be flexible as nothing was set in stone.  I try and think about what I need to do and what needs to be done, if you try and do too much you will burn yourself out.

  

Saving time

I try and make sure that I can have enough things in place and when I am feeling full of energy I can do more, but when I am tired, I can make adjustments as I go on.  If you have access to a computer you can try and automate things that you need to do like paying bills, prescriptions, even doing some of the heavy shopping online, and try and save some much needed time.   

It is important to keep the one that you are caring for as active and mobile as possible, this enables them to remain independent.  You might find that doing things yourself might be quicker, but if you let them get involved it not only impacts on their self esteem, and this will help you if they feel that they are contributing.  My aim with my mum is to keep her as mobile and active as possible and constantly encourage her to move about where she can, to exercise dispute having to use a wheel chair, keeping her stimulated and engaged helps me in the long run because it slows down the decline and in turn keeps her as independent as possible.

For now try and identify the regular things that you do that can be organised to take up less time, don't feel bad about asking for help, the answer could be 'yes' or you can organise some of the repetitive activities so it fits into a workable schedule.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 19 - Tell Your Own Story - Tips for Carers

Welcome to today's Ultimate Blog Challenge get ready to tell your story!

We all have a story to tell, it doesn't matter who you are or what experience you have, your story is important and it needs to be told.

Mum shares her memories as a child

As a mixed media artist, I find that I use my journals a lot to tell aspects of my story or to express how I may be feeling at a particular moment.  My images, paintings and journal entries don't always have to have words.  I keep a journal just for writing as well, and first thing in the morning I spend time just writing, 3 pages or more of words whenever I can, allowing them to flow out, without censoring or hindering.

When I create a character or painting I don't start out always knowing what I want to paint, and use their gaze, smile and expression to tell the stories of pain, joy, fear and love.

I guess I also use this blog as a way to tell my story and share my journey, hoping that if only one person finds comfort or encouragement then its worth it.  I also share my story as a means of reflection.  When I can't find the words  to express how I feel, telling it in a story form can make it easier, and it is all part of the overall process.

Sharing your story reminds you of who you are.  We can often be buried under all the labels, wife, mother carer, and you can forget just who you were because that person hasn't been visible for so very long, lost in a sea of just getting by.

For now, get yourself a note book or journal and start writing and or drawing about how you are feeling, lessons learnt or advice for someone who might just be just stepping into your shoes.  Share your story with someone else you could be the inspiration that they have been praying for. 

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC Day 18 - Time for a book - Tips for Carer

Welcome to today's Ultimate Blog Challenge, with every day an opportunity as a carer to do something different and enhance your life and those you care for.

Mum - out and about with the family

I have always loved to read, but since becoming a carer to my mother who has dementia, those things I really enjoy doing seemed to slip to the wayside.  I was running back and forwards from my mums home to my own, sometimes with time only to catch my breath, see my son, grab a quick snack and head out again. The thought of sitting down with a book and getting lost in the plot seemed far away as there was always something else to be done, and when I tried to do some reading before bed I was always too tired.

Kindle for Christmas!

One Christmas my husband got me a Kindle Fire, and it has been one of the most used gifts ever.  I wrote a review of my kindle on the blog, and I love it, I have always got it on me.  One of the great things I have been making use of is the text reading function which pretty much turns every book you buy into an audio book.  When I am in the car I select a book that I want to read and make my way to my mums.  This really kept me going for the 40 minutes drive, I was transported to wonderful destinations, and I also use it to read a lot of training books as well.  The kindle also came in handy when you were doing those tasks that didn't require you to think, but needed you physically present.  I either turn the book function on or music and it helps you to feel a bit more of a person, because you are giving back a piece of yourself.

We all need some time to ourselves!

The essence of today's post is to encourage you to find some way to best use the time you have and those in between times say if you have to wait for appointments.  There was one year where I was either going to a hospital or doctors appointment with my mum.  I found that when we were collected for an appointment by transport they would come at least and hour and a half early and then you would be left waiting around.  Armed with my kindle, I could occupy myself and my mum at the same time.  Another great feature of the kindle is being able to connect to WiFi and social media, it is like a mini tablet.

For now, try and identify some of the things that you enjoy doing that you can create a space for - remember 15 minutes each day is easier to find in your schedule than a couple of hours.  Make the most to keep yourself and your mind nourished as you go about your caring role.

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC - Day 17 - Taking a Break - Tips for Carers and Gratitude's and Celebrations Journal - Week 61

Blessings to you as you connect for another day of 'Tips for Carers'.  I am glad that I am participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge, as it has reminded me of all the useful information that I have gained and I am very happy to share. As today is Friday I will be sharing some of the images from my Gratitude's and Celebration Journal, and the word for today is 'Recognition', and we are on week 61.

Recognition

On Day 11 I spoke about getting some fresh air, and that meant going outside and if possible walking round the block, walking say 10 minutes in one direction then coming back, making the most of those snippets of time you may have within your day.

For some this is all they can managed because of their circumstances, so what I am going to suggest will take a bit more thought and organisation.  Some boroughs offer funding so that as a carer you can take a break from your caring role and take part in local activities or use it to have a mini break. When you think of what you do in your caring role, getting a break every now and then is the least, you can ask for, to restore your batteries and enable you to keep going.

Mixed Media Art - Amanda Trought

The first time I applied for the funding I used the money to book a series of monthly massages.  So for one hour once a month I was able to nurture myself and feel whole and able to continue in the role. At some point in your journey you have to recognise all that you have been giving and contributing, putting needs aside and taking our bodies and lives for granted until they are unable to do what we want them to do.  If you have a car you regularly oil and service it, generally you look after it to keep it in good running order, so why not your body?

If you take the time to organise an activity just for you, you will definitely feel the results and it means that you have an outlet outside of the caring role.  You could also see if among family and friends you can organise for someone to give you a break and take the time to go to a cafe or walk in the park, perhaps do something creative and go further a field to a gallery or art shop.  These are my favorite mini breaks, being able to be inspired by the creativity of others or potter around the arts and crafts aisles.

I am grateful for all the small things that make such a difference to our lives, and the impact that they can have.  I am also grateful for the support of family and friends which makes all the difference for which I celebrate the blessings on their lives.

For now, check with your local carers center about any funding available and apply.  While you are still waiting, schedule an activity that is just for you and make a date to keep it!

You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

UBC Day 16 - Tips for Carers - Home environment

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge, Day 16.  My focus for the past couple of weeks has been sharing my tips for those who are carers or are soon to be, and also for those who know carers that may benefit from some suggestions to help them as they work through their role.

Today I want to talk about environment, and the things that you can do in the space that you or the one the you care for lives in if they are still able to live in their own home. 

Over the years I have found it so important to adjust where necessary with regards to my mums home and her general environment.  When she first started to show signs of dementia we wanted to make being independent in her own home as easy as possible for her.  We used to prepare meals and put them into containers for her so that she didn't have to worry about using the cooker to cook a full meal but could heat up her food as needed.  We found that labeling cupboards and key things around the house helped her to navigate her way around.  We did at one point arrange for Meals on Wheels to deliver food, but it didn't work for her, and her perception of their service was that they were for people who couldn't help themselves and she didn't see herself in that position.  Simple things like putting the tea, sugar and biscuits on a tray near the kettle meant that she could quite easily find what she was looking for in one place

Change from one space to another can make a big difference

I found that clearing the clutter around the home and brightening the rooms helped, there was less things to have to tidy up because in her search to locate something she would turn the place inside out, and it allowed her to move around easier, but also enabled her to locate what she wanted in the home.  Mum's vision was being effected I found that having highly patterned furniture and carpets effected her perception of her surroundings, so where possible we had to change these.

Create a clear space

My recent adaptation has been to move mum from her previous home, the one we grew up in as kids, into one that facilitates the use of a wheelchair and is adapted for her needs, such as a wet room. It wasn't an easy decision as I had the emotional ties to our childhood home, but when she began to find walking difficult and we had to start using a wheel chair It got increasingly stressful carrying the chair up and down the stairs, and took a toll on her as well.  I think that she is happier in the new flat.  

Create a space that suits your needs

As the years have passed and mum has declined and slowed down, I have tried to ensure that I am one step ahead and think about what she would need as time goes on before she needs it, but I also encourage her to make an effort and do what she can as much as possible to keep some independence, however small.

You may be limited in the physical changes that you can make to your home but there is always something you can do which will not only help the one that you are caring for but also help you and could make a big impact on your role as the care giver.

For now, think about your space and the needs of the one that you are caring for and how this is affecting you.  What simple changes can be made to the environment that will impact on their well-being,  It might be as simple as putting stuff away and painting the room that can create a brighter environment, start thinking about what you can do and take a step to make the change.

If you want more Tips for Carers click HERE. You can also click on the 'Celebrating life' image to be taken to the rest of the posts from the Journey of a Carer.

Laughter - Memories of Home

Memories of Home...

Welcome to Memories of Home, if you would like to find out more information about the series, Click here

Being in a supportive environment is important to our growth as individuals, not everyone has had that opportunity and as adults we try and create an environment that will nurture and bless our children and indeed ourselves.

Laughter

Laughter is an important part of life, and being able to see the funny side and find humor in aspects of life is crucial, otherwise you would just want to curl up in a ball and cry all the time. They say that you use more muscles to frown - nearly 150, than if you where to smile - it uses under 10 facial muscles, (I heard the figure was 2), so imagine next time you walk down the street, all those who who have a smile on their faces will develop less wrinkles than those you see with frowns. Laughter has also been likened to an internal massage, so you can give yourself some a little bit of TLC on the outside and on the inside as well!

My dad had a good sense of humor and loved a good laugh - the type that would get you clutching your belly and bring tears to your eyes. Cartoons would be something that set him off, Tom and Jerry to be exact! He would find the cat and mouse antics hilarious - his laughter roaring through the house.

Charlie, our pet was a Minah bird. Dad was the only one that could handle him to get him out of the cage to clean it and then catch him as he flew around the house to put him back in. Minah birds mimic sounds, and somehow Charlie learnt to mimic my dads laughter, along with a few words. You would hear Charlie all hours of the day until it was time for bed. Dad would be watching something funny on the TV and then set Charlie off with laughter, it was definitely a sound to hear! 

Dads laughter showed me that it was important to look for the joy that we all have in our lives - and I think I have developed his loud laughter, much to my sons embarrassment! We can all find out what makes us laugh - seeing the lighter side of things especially in our complicated lives.  We have to sure we take time out on a daily basis, for we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

What role does laughter play for you and what one thing can you do today to encourage yourself to look at the humor in your own life? I hope you continue to join me on my journey over the weeks, as I share my mixed media houses and look back to the memories of home. I look forward to hearing about some some of your own memories. Blessings and peace to you!

Fresh Linen - Memories of Home

Welcome to Memories of Home, if you would like to find out more information about the series, Click here

Being in a supportive environment is important to our growth as individuals, not everyone has had that opportunity and as adults we try and create an environment that will nurture and bless our children and indeed ourselves.

When we were little we had what was known as an 'airing cupboard, which housed the hot water cylinder for the boiler.  It was quite a large cupboard and would warm up from the heat radiating from the padded cylinder.  My dad fitted three shelves in the cupboard and this was where clean bedding and towels were kept. When you opened it you would be met with the sweet aromas of the washing powder and the fabric conditioner which would caress your nostrils and make you think of tropical islands, .....ok, maybe not the islands but they always smelt great!

It was great to use a towel that had just come out of the cupboard after a bath as it was always warm and gave you a cozy comforting feeling.  With the bed sheets mum would always iron them before placing them in the cupboard and whilst it isn't a practice that I have continued I definitely feel the difference sleeping on ironed sheets!

Mixed media on wooden panel

What was your favorite memory as a child, take time out if only for 10 minutes to think about recreating those special moments this week. I hope you continue to join me on my journey over the weeks, as I share my mixed media houses and look back to the memories of home. I look forward to hearing about some some of your own memories. Blessings and peace to you!

Books - Memories of Home

Welcome to Memories of Home, if you would like to find out more information about the series, Click here

Being in a supportive environment is important to our growth as individuals, not everyone has had that opportunity and as adults we try and create an environment that will nurture and bless our children and indeed ourselves.

I have always loved books, which was fostered as a child at primary school, with one of my favourites being 'The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe and Secret garden'.  We were encourage to bring a new book home every week and there would be new adventures for me just waiting to be explored and it allowed me to escape the school bullies if only for a little while.

My dad also had a love of westerns and thrillers and we had books in stacks dotted around the home as a normal part of the course.  I went on to encourage my son to read from an early age, telling him stories and allowing him to look at the pictures and make up stories of his own.  There was the occasional time when I would fall asleep mid-flow while reading him a story and he would lay there looking at me with amusement until he succumbed to the sleep and took pleasure in telling me in the morning. 

I keep offering to make it up to him now, but he says he’s too old for stories and we try and take time talking about the day.   I’ve have now turned my joy to writing and illustrating short stories and maybe one day someone will take my story off the shelf and read it to their child.

Mixed Media House collage on Wood

What was your favourite book growing up as a child, what are you reading now and how will you take time to encourage yourself to take time out if only for 10 minutes. I hope you continue to join me on my journey over the weeks, as I share my mixed media houses and look back to the memories of home. I look forward to hearing about some some of your own memories. Blessings and peace to you!

Gratitude's and Celebrations - Week 30 - This is a great day! .......and Memories of Home

I missed the Memories of Home post on Wednesday and decided to do it anyway for this week especially because it is about being in tranquil environments or creating one in your space.  Mum has been in her flat now for nearly 40 years, all the neighbours kids that used to live there are all grown up, including myself having now been replaced with a new generation that play football in defiance of the 'no ball games sign'.  I am not sure what they were thinking when they put it up being the only space to play out in, there was never anyone to to enforce it when we were young and me and my brother would race round on our scooters, or play ball with the other kids.

Memories of Home - Tranquillity

Having experienced my first home at different points of my life growing up and now as mums carer I find that there is an unusual peace in her home which I am not sure I can solely attribute to the flat or what I have done myself, but a combination of making the environment suit the purposes and meet whatever the current needs are at the time.

I remember looking around at some things as a child and feeling how tall everything seemed, competing with my brother to check who was actually getting taller by measuring ourselves on the door frame.  He became much taller than me in the end with his 6f 2in frame, covered over are the lines on the frame.  This is my weekend with my mum and I am looking forward to spending time with her, while she is not as mobile and her understanding has diminished some what, she can still enjoy being creative and I am going to work on a mini memory box with her.

I had one of these boxes that contained a storage bag and thought I could recycle it has some potential and could be turned into a memory/assemblage box that could either be hung up or free standing, and would be a great way to capture something!.  I will let you know how it turns out in the recycled projects next week.

Gratitude's and Celebration

I am grateful and celebrate the 90 years my mum as lived, that she is able to see her grand-kids and continues to hold on to her precious life, not giving up but taking each day as it comes.  We are blessed more than we can know and I continue to look at the small things that come my way as a reminder.

Gratitude's Journal in progress

Completed page

This is a great day! 

What have you done so far with the day that you have, what can you do differently to make it even more special? I would love to hear from you and share what you will be doing. As this week draws to a close have a blessed weekend! If you want to see how I made the journal (click here) Blessings!

Little Birdy - More play with characters

As we find ourselves nearing the end of the month I find myself deep in reflection, not only by the changes I wanted to make tailing off from 2013, but what I have managed to achieve this month.  I have been working steadily on the courses and I am also working on a collage one which I will share next week.

 My birds are part of a session on Soul Food with Zorana called Fluttering in Bronze

 Whilst I do like birds I never really gave them much thought within my work, but the more and more I worked on these I realised that they all spoke to me in some way that I could relate back to my role as an artist and symbolized aspects of my journey without this being my sole purpose.

Flying High in the Sky

 Flying high was about me wanting to go further within my work, I love trying new things and embracing experiences.  Sometimes stepping into the unknown is scary, but once your into it you find your way.  It does take a while to get to grips with new techniques, but you have to persevere and you can often be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Homely

Homely represents that part of me that loves the security of the home environment but a reminder that the world continues to move whether you do or not.  In this one I added an image which happens to be my brother who passed, and is a good reminder about relationships and taking action as on the day the photograph was taken we had taken all the kids to the park and had a really lovely day.

Looking Back

Looking back sees the bird from the tree looking down and you can see the daily life going on as well as the other birds in the distance.  Something I would love to be able to do one day is to be able to work from anywhere in the world, preferably hot with a beach close by.  As we age it seems as if the world has become a smaller place, technology means that we can communicate much better than we did before from anywhere in the world and there are so many opportunities available to have a better quality of life 9 hours in a plane in any direction from my currently location!

Tomorrow I will share not only the Gratitude's and Celebrations and the Memories of Home posts but some of the exciting things that I will be working on next month and it would be great to have you join me.  If you are taking Soul Food, leave a message and let me know how you are getting on, if not check out and be inspired! 

Holidays - Memories of Home

Welcome to Memories of Home, if you would like to find out more information about the series, Click here.

Being in a supportive environment is important to our growth as individuals, not everyone has had that opportunity and as adults we try and create an environment that will nurture and bless our children and indeed ourselves.

 

Holidays

I guess it is too early to start to talk about holidays, daydreaming about fun times in the sun, the sand beneath my feet and the waves lashing around bringing with it the cool breeze of a Caribbean afternoon.  We begin the year and already 2 weeks into January, a fresh beginning, new start, and a chance to do all the things that you dreamed of and a few that you didn’t.  I often take a glace back at where I have come from as a reminder of not only what I have left to do but also of where I want to go.  Our dreams do not drive themselves and while the ‘good things come to those who wait’ – reminds us about patience, no one will be knocking on your door with the man/woman/career/house/car of your dreams anytime soon.

Dreams

This year one of the things I would like to see materialize in 2014 is the ability of being able to work from anywhere in the world on one of the many creative pursuits that I currently have in motion and be able to impact the lives of thousands, tens of thousands (ok lets think big) Millions! All this to be done through art and creative expression!  

I want to get up with the sun shining, hearing the tropical birds outside my window, with the trees swaying, and start my work after having a morning swim at the beach that is a stroll away from my house.  After my fruit smoothie with a combination of pawpaw, sweet & sour sop, mango, golden apple, pear, and banana the fruit from the trees in my garden I go into my art studio and start work on a selection of the large canvases series for an upcoming exhibition.  There is a distant sound of steel pans that sound as if they are coming towards the house, strange to hear them so early in the morning, but a great accompaniment to my creative flow.  I make a mental note to order some more paints, the steel pans getting closer, as if they are now outside my window.  

I reach for the latch on the window, but instead find myself turning over in bed and reaching for the mobile phone, now at its top volume after having the snooze button pressed for the final time.  My throat dry as I call out to my son to get up and get himself sorted for school, and wonder how many 6 or 8 legged fiends I consumed while sleeping!

Working for yourself

Being self employed at the moment means that every day is a work day, the dreams keep me motivated, and the mild weather we have been getting gives me the necessary ‘breeze across my face coming from the Caribbean’ feeling.  Looking back in my teenage years I never dreamed I would be calling myself an artist and have worked and connected with a range of inspirational and encouraging individuals, if you asked me after my degree as I launched myself back into the ‘corporate world’ that I would be sharing my journey and encouraging others I would have signed and said ‘in an ideal world’.  

Caribbean inspired

As I look forward I see that I have come a long way, yet the journey has not completed – far from it, there is still so many adventures waiting to be experienced and it begins with today and what I decide to do or not do, but choice there has to be made.

What have you done with your today, and what will you do with your tomorrow.  Have you already found yourself defeated from those promises you made on the 1^st January or are you taking a slow and steady pace with your eyes on the prize.  Do leave a comment.  I would love to hear what big and little things you have planned I hope you continue to join me on my journey over the weeks, as I share my mixed media houses and look back to the memories of home. I look forward to hearing about some of your own memories. Blessings and peace to you!