Tuesday 10 April 2012

J is for Judgement

I hated the thought of admitting I was finding hard to cope with my mums increasing memory loss, with a young son who didn’t understand why his mum had to stay at Grans practically 5 nights a week and the stress that it put on my own health.  I felt if I really admitted that I needed help that it was a sign of weakness...I should be able to look after my family after all!

What I realised as my experience of the illness grew was that despite what anyone thought  it wasn’t a sign of weakness admitting that I was finding it hard to carry on as it was.  The help was there you had to know how to shout loud enough and often enough and then it came in drips and drabs, but you had to keep shouting to let your voice be heard.

You also had to deal with the 'one label fits all' – as a carer it is hard to have a life outside of your role, your role defines you and when health professionals see you they don’t often have the time to see the life behind the tag of  'carer', what the person did or the life they had before they had to take on the role.  It's one of the things we have to guard against judging the situation without finding out all the facts and most of all we have to guard against the judgements we can make against ourselves.

Words so far....

A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals, I is for Identity

These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April.  I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia.  If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.


  1. I think a lot of people believe asking for help can be a sign of weakness when it's nothing like that. It's a mature judgment of where you are and what is ahead.

  2. Susan, thats right and also enables you to get the appropriate help for the situation.

  3. I hope you do get some help and some rest time- being a carer is a difficult job. I'm glad you have this blog, it's a way of reminding yourself who you are :-)

  4. Lily, it has been like a breath of fresh air and a way for me to see that i am still on the journey.

  5. It sounds like you've been on a hard journey, Amanda. And we are our own harshest critic and we judge ourselves more than the world does. You have my prayers for all this and God knows what he's doing. :)

  6. Bless.. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself & asking for help! Goo luck to you!
    Popping by from A-Z

  7. Krista, we really do give ourselves the hardest time and forget to look at the blessings in our midst, thank you for your prayers.

    American in Norway, thanks for the visit..ask and ye shall recieve:)


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