Holding on to your identity is important when you become a carer otherwise you can loose yourself in the role. We have so many lables within society that the true essence of who you are becomes a distant memory. There was a time in the early years of mums illness that I felt like the more I did for my mum the more I lost a piece of myself, and was totally consumed. It reminded me of the fragility of life, I knew that I had to hold on to who I was.
Growing up I was looking forward to relating to my mum as a mother myself, going to her for advice and sharing the joy of watching my children – her grandchildren grow up. As a carer you loose your identity in society, the cared for have carers - an entity in themselves and many no longer have family members around. Communities fragmented and the extended family becomes devalued and a thing of the past as the elderly are seen as a burdon, rather than filled with wisdom, memories and insight.
I found separating the roles helps and enables me to still enjoy my mothers company despite how dependant she becomes.
Growing up I was looking forward to relating to my mum as a mother myself, going to her for advice and sharing the joy of watching my children – her grandchildren grow up. As a carer you loose your identity in society, the cared for have carers - an entity in themselves and many no longer have family members around. Communities fragmented and the extended family becomes devalued and a thing of the past as the elderly are seen as a burdon, rather than filled with wisdom, memories and insight.
I found separating the roles helps and enables me to still enjoy my mothers company despite how dependant she becomes.
Words so far....
A is for Alzheimer’s, B is for Behaviour, C is for Carer, D is for Dependant, E is for Enough, F is for Fear, G is for Guilt, H is for Health Professionals
These posts are part of the A-Z Challenge taking place during the month of April. I have been sharing about my experience as a carer to a mother with Dementia. If you would like to know more join the Arts in Health Network and also check out my website for information on some of the work I have done with Creativity and Dementia.
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HI...I'm hopping over from the A to Z Challenge. Lovely post...good luck with the challenge!
ReplyDeleteDonna L Martin
www.donasdays.blogspot.com
I enjoy your posts, Amanda. I share in the challenges that face you.
ReplyDeleteThis gets even harder if the relationship you've had with your mother has never been a good one.
ReplyDeleteDonna, great to meet you, looking forward to seeing your words.
ReplyDeleteSusan, its amazing to find out how many people are going through the same thing, it is easy to feel as if you are going through it on your own.
Jolie, it is definitely a challenge I guess thats where the support is needed even more to deal with it.
I think that happens to many women when they become mothers, and you have a double roll as a caretaker. Hold onto yourself.
ReplyDeleteSusan, Holding on tight and not letting go!
ReplyDelete